Wednesday, April 20, 2011

If I had a million dollars….or ten

Do you ever think about what you would do if you won the lottery?  I mean, seriously won the lottery.  Not like $10,000. More like $10 million... or more (hopefully).  It would have to be something significant to actually make a dent because you know that almost half of it is taken out for taxes, right? (Bullshit cough cough) Well I was working from home the last two weekends and there was shit on for TV (and yes, I get paid to sit on my ass and watch TV and drink wine. Jealous???). So I came across a show on TLC about people who have won the lottery. And this one isn’t based on the idiots who blow it on brass sculptures and Lamborghini's, its more about people who’ve changed their lives with their winnings (or at least HAVEN’T blown it on brass sculptures and Lamborghini's!). I mean, one of the girls went and bought her two sisters boob jobs- so believe me- they aren’t humanitarians or anything afterwards. 

But it got me thinking about what I would do if I ever won that much cash. Who would I give money to? What would I pay off? What would I BUY? Would I invest? Would I blow it all in 3 months? Would I tell anyone? Would I change my name and fall off the face of the earth? Would I donate it to charity? Would I quit my job? See- there are a lot of things that can happen to a person when you win the lottery (says the person who has never won the lottery). One never knows how they will handle it until they are put into the position of being an Insta-millionaire. Just add water.

I can tell you a few of the things that I would and wouldn’t do right off the bat. I would love to say that I would be very responsible with every penny of it. But- come on. You guys know me! Of course I’m going to want to indulge myself with pretty unnecessary things. But how far would I go??? First, I will start with the positives. I would pay off my house. I would pay off my family’s houses (or do whatever remodeling they’d like on their houses). I would pay off their cars (mines already paid off). I would pay off my student loans (even though I have a sweeeeeet interest rate!) and my credit cards. After all of this, it would only be about $500,000 at the most that I just spent. Then I would change my cell phone number because all you schmucks would start calling asking for money. Sorry- I don’t THINK so. I probably wouldn’t even remember you if you did call. We went to kindergarten together? Sure we did. You’re my 3rd cousin twice removed? What does that even mean? Buh-Bye. 

After all of the obvious things have been purchased/paid off, I would take my family and friends on a really nice and really long relaxing vacation (separately of course- totally different vacations there people!) to a house that I purchased for this specific reason, somewhere in Europe. And we would make this an annual trip. Of course there would be little trips here and there across the US to visit friends and family and other vacation spots because there are so many places in the US that are AMAZING that I haven’t been to yet. 

I wouldn't quit my job. I never understood why everyone’s first reaction is to quit their job. I’d get WAY too bored not working . And at this point right now, I actually like going to work. After maybe a year or so, I would re-evaluate my decision and maybe at that point decide that I wanted to quit.  But for the time being, I would keep it.  Plus, no one at my work would know that I won the lottery (pending media coverage on my winnings) so everything would still be the same. If and when I decide to quit, I would go back to school for something that I am passionate about. It would probably be cooking or interior design. Maybe I’d open a restaurant or a bakery or a design firm after that. But I would still work either way. 

I would totally hire a personal trainer. That would probably be after day one of that big ol fat check being deposited.  As you are all well aware- I LOOOOOOOVE me some food (I mean, have you seen the size of my ass???). I also like to run and workout. BUT- I have this things called ADD (self-diagnosed) that the minute I see something shiny- I lose focus and get bored and stop working out. Or I have this other thing called Soft Comfortable Couch syndrome. The minute I plop my ass on it- oooooh the day is done. So I would need someone to motivate me to get up and go to the gym and KICK my ASS. 

Here are some of the things that I wouldn't buy with my new found wealth:
  • plastic surgery (unless it was a boob reduction- the girls are a little OUTTA control)
  • a yacht (I live in INDIANA people.  We barely have a lake here)  Although I could totally picture myself pretending to be in a rap video on one, making it RAIN muthafuckas.  I'm on a boat!!
  • a collection of ceramic cats (or any animal for that matter)
  • a plane that would fly a banner over my hometown that said "neener neener neeee ner."
  • a goat farm (although I've had the urge lately to learn how to make cheese)
  • stock in Blue Moon (even though the idea of drink more, make more sounds like a good idea, it probably wouldn't be good for my liver)
  • an island ( I mean, what's the point?  So you can brag about owning an island?  No thanks.  My money would be better off spent on buying my own star.)
  • a blu-ray player or a gaming console.  Don't ask.  
  • an RV.  While I might enjoy a night out camping (one night) I certainly wouldn't make a life style out of traveling around in a bus.  (And yet another reason I would never be a rock star.  Tour buses. Enough said.)
  • black granite counter tops (ARGH!!! There's nothing more in this world that I despise than black granite counter tops.  Well, that may be a BIT in an exaggeration.  But its definitely in my top 10)
  • An e-reader.   Are we becoming THAT lazy that we can't even flip pages on our own anymore?  There is nothing like the sound of cracking the spine of a brand new book. 

So what do you think you would do/buy if you won the lottery?  Would you buy me something pretty?  And sparkly?  And expensive? 

1 comment:

  1. Well, the e-readers are pretty cool, as it's not a lazy thing, but a convenience. When you finish one book and don't have time to get to the can just download it cheaper and faster than having to deal with people! Good stuff.

    And, don't tell me you wouldn't be tempted to fly the banner, blaring Toby Keith's "How do you like me now"..even though it's country, it's a totally appropriate song for the occasion.

    As for me, I would quit my job, work on something more valuable to me personally, like take cooking classes or develop a hobby (no idea what..but sounds like a good idea). I would invest and limit my monthly stipend to something reasonable, but make sure I could live off of it for the rest of my life. Ah, dreams!!!


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