Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Boys I'd Like To F.......... be friendly with.... or as Beth likes to call this post- We Are Giant Slut Bags and Proud of It

Prior to this post- I wanted to say a few things.  One is a huge THANK YOU for all of you who are reading my blog (whether it's for enjoyment or you are being vindictive) because my post last week is the biggest (no pun intended) read story since I've started the blog.  The second is that this is a blog.  Its not CNN.  No need to take me SO DAMN SERIOUSLY people.  It's meant to be FUNNY.  Get a sense of humor.  If you don't like it- don't read it.  And for those of you who passed it on to try an get me into some sort of trouble- then you did exactly what I wanted you to do without even realizing.  So again, THANK YOU!!!! And in case you are wondering.  Everything that I do, say, and type is well thought out.  I know exactly what I am doing it, when I am doing it.  Now on to more important things!!

So last night was Beth's and my DWTS textfest night.  This is a weekly thing that we've started doing and we have so much fun trashing, bashing and judging each couple (It's almost up there with us yelling "Fatties!!!" at our TV's on Biggest Loser night).  Somehow last night we got into this "thing" where we started naming guys on our lists.  You girls all know that you have those LISTS.....wink wink.  It started from a new commercial for the latest Pirates movie and Beth was all gaga over Johnny Depp.

Beth- Guuurrroooowwwllllll Johnny Depp is so yumm!!!
Me- Ew. Ew. Ew.
Beth- Really?  I can have him all to myself???
Me- Oh abs oh loot ley (inside joke about Carrie Ann a knob ah who is ann oy ing)
Beth- But I'm not giving up anyone good.  I still want Eminem to myself too.
Me- Ummmmmmmm no.
Beth- You can have Weird Al and Cee-lo Green. (isn't she a giver??)
me- Oh heeeeeeeeeelllllllllllsssssssssss no!
Beth- It's a good deal.  You should sleep on it.
Me- Ya I think I will keep Em.  Sorry.
Beth- Fine.  I'll throw in Lil Jon.  JUST for you!  Whowhat?
Me- Ummm no on Lil Jon.  I get Em, Blair Underwood, Taylor Kitsch, and Prince Harry.  You can have anyone other than those hotties.
Beth- I'll take Maks for all 4!
Me- SCORE!!!!
Beth- But really?  Prince Harry?  Didn't see that one coming.
Me- Oooooh royalty.  Come on.  That and they just did a black and white spread on him and he was HOT!  Plus he's the bad boy prince.  Two of my favorite things!
Beth- I will also take Colicchio (Tom) and Rocco.  Mama needs to be fed.
Me- Captain Douchebag!  Love him!  But he has mommy issues.  Then I get Bradley Cooper.  And Boris Kodjoe.
Beth- I get Tom Brady.

Annnnnnnnnd this is where I kicked her ass.  I mean really?  Who does she think she's messing with?  Tommy is MINE.  She can have the other Tommy.  No problem.  But Brady???  I think not.
Me- That is not even an option.
Beth- Yes it is.  I called it.  I get Tom.
Me- No you should have Welker.  He's more your size.  Oooooooooh SNAP!!!
Beth- I'll take Brady.  YOU can have Welker and let him motorboat you.
Me- Deal.  He's my favorite 2nd anyways.

This is seriously how all conversations between us go.  We really should have our own show.  I can't even begin to tell you about the things we got into on the road together.  The cops that we had wrapped around our fingers.  Literally.  Ahhhh memories!!

Anyways- the convo continued today.

Beth- I'd also like to add to my team please.  Tony Bourdain and Eric Ripert, for sure.  Oh, and Andre Agassi, bald years only- not the mullet period.  Brett Favre, Jimmy Fallon, Mark Wahlberg (from the neck down- don't like his face), and Chelsea handler in case all else fails.
Me- Deal.  I can't stand Bourdain, don't know Eric and Agassi is SO NOT MY TYPE- bald or mullet years.  Brett Favre AND Tom Brady?  Aren't you getting a little quarterback greedy?  Not a fan of Jimmy OR Marky Mark (his brother?  Definitely!) and we might need to fight over Chelsea.  I'm going to add to my list:  Rajon Rondo, John Krasinski, Tedy Bruschi, Patrick Dempsey, Matthew Perry, and Chase Crawford.
Oh, and you can have Tom Brady- I was just trying to piss you off with that one last night.  I want Kypton and Jesse B. and Chris L from Ali's season. Take that.

(WE are OBSESSED with Bachelor Pad, Bachelor, and Bachelorette- cuz CLEARLY- its such trashtastic television at it's glory!)

Me- No you can have Tom.  I wouldn't want to be after Gisele.  That's just suicide waiting to happen.  But Chris?????  Jesse??????  Come on- you are KILLING me.  Wait- which Jesse is that?  Pick your nose cuz I'm so drunk on martini's Jesse or hooked up with the crazy girl Jesse?
Beth- The hot mess, drunk, shaved headed one.
Me- Awwwwwwww man.  But can't you totally picture him and I?  Together?  Totally in lurrrrrrrve with each other? 
Beth- No.  I luuuuuhhhh him more than you ever could.  MINE.  I'll give you Chris.  He has too much hair on his head for me. 

Chris Lambton is one FIIIIIIIIIIIINE specimen.  I will most DEFINITELY take him for my list.  He's got that All-American vibe going on and I can tell you for sure- that I wouldn't kick him out of bed.  At.  All.  Especially when he's got his Yankees suck t-shirt on. 

So who are some of the guys on your lists?


  1. Matt Damon and Timothy Olyphant (the scrumptious hunk of a man from the movie Hitman) Yum and Yum

  2. OMG Timothy Olyphant was in the movie with Jen Garner, right? Where her fiance dies? Yeah- he's definitely a looker. You can keep Damon though! I add Ryan Reynolds, Jason Bateman, and Brent Mahan.

  3. Mmmmm I mentioned him first so I get to keep Mr yummy Olyphant and I add David Boreanaz.


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