Thursday, June 2, 2011

Definitely Not One Of My Smartest Ideas


There was this girl that I went to middle and high school with.  She was really nice but she was a little bit…….BIG.  She told us once that her family called her Thunder Thighs growing up.   Nice, huh?   Well I can’t say that I am any better than her family since I used to purposely sit behind her in class because the teacher couldn’t see what I was doing (anything but paying attention) because she kind of “hid” me.  Evil.  Yes I know.  In a handbasket.  I’m there.  One is already custom made for me. 

Well while I was home last night, I decided that I was going to make a game out of watching TV.  Cuz in all honesty, TV trumps being athletic in my book any day.   And it doesn’t even have to be good TV.  If I can find something at all interesting, my ass + couch = not getting up for anything except using the bathroom until I’m ready for bed.  Or for a snack.  It’s not that I don’t have any motivation.  Because I actually LIKE working out and going to the gym.  It’s this thing that I have that I like to call Something Shiny Syndrome.  But anyway- last night was SYTYCD and I knew from 8pm-10pm I was probably only going to get exercise via remote control clicking.   And since Beth and I started our Let’s Lose Weight and Go On A Trip program yesterday, I figured I couldn’t be lazy RIGHT out of the gate.  Save that for day two.  I ran upstairs (literally) and grabbed a pair of socks and ran back down to throw on a pair of sneakers and decided that during commercial breaks I would do a combo of squats and lunges.   


First break comes on and I did 71 squats.  WOW.  THAT was a long commercial break.  They can’t ALL be that long, right?  Next commercial 79.   Ummm.  Hmmmm. What happened to 30 second commercials?  The following one- I switched to lunges- 75.  Air conditioner was cranked up after that.  Next one, back to squats- 64.  Starting to SLOOOOOOOWWWWWW down.  Or it was just a shorter commercial break?  HA.  Either way, now I’ve started to feel them.  Through the pain, I’m thinking to myself, “Thunder Thighs.  Thunder Thighs.  Thunder Thighs.”  At this point it’s only about 8:45pm.   Seriously?   Another hour and fifteen minutes left?  Oh that is SO not going to happen.  I finished Salt Lake City auditions with another 67 and called it a night.   Total lunges 75.  Total squats- 281.  Total times Kristi fell out of bed this morning because her legs gave out- 1. 

I’m fairly certain that by 8pm today, I will be crawling wherever I need to go.  And after tomorrow morning I probably won’t even be able to do that.  BUT no pain is no gain, right?  Isn’t that what those skinny fuckers always say? 

Anyway- this makes me remember when we had cheer camps in high school.  Oh yes, boys.   Total package right here.  Bring on the fantasies.   But we’d have these camps with Reggie.  Ahhh Reggie.  Hot piece of ass.  But he put us through the RINGER I tell you.  By day two I’m pretty sure that we were all sore as hell and barely able to move and THAT’S when he’d really want to get into stunts.  Just imagine HOURS upon HOURS of squatting and lifting.  Now imagine doing that in PAIN.  Lots of PAIN.   Fun times.   But the best part (queue sarcasm) was it being over and going home and realizing that you have to use the bathroom.  And while you can barely WALK to the bathroom, having to try to SIT on the seat.  Luckily I had a sink next to the toilet on one side and a wall on the other.  And with the whitest knuckles possible, you try to brace yourself as you try to SLOWLY lower yourself down but end up gracefully plopping yourself onto the toilet- praying as you are falling that you land on the seat.  And once you are there, the sigh of relief mixed with pain mixed with the realization that eventually you are going to have to try to get back up.  Oh I’ve never experienced pain like that before.   BUT that’s probably going to be like how I feel tonight.  And I can’t wait.  Maybe tonight I’ll bust out the weights and alternate between arms and abs during the commercials. 

Oh and can I just give a big FUCK YOU to Dunkin Donuts right now?  I just got the most inappropriate email from them saying that tomorrow is National Donut Day and to come enjoy a free donut on them.  REALLY?  REALLY?  How is a girl with ZERO will power supposed to lose weight when shit like that happens?  Geez.  But the good thing is Beth just emailed me a recipe for tiny egg souffles that she got off of one of the cookbooks by a chef on The Biggest Loser.  She tried it today and said it was delicious.  So I’m going to try them this weekend.   I’ll keep you posted on how easy and/or yummy they are!!  And maybe I'll shed a pound or two by that point.  Fingers crossed. 

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