Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Those White Bitches Are CRAZY!

Last Saturday our friend Jess came into town from Ft. Wayne and had a little bit of a birthday dinner. Wendy and I went up north to meet her and two of her friends, Tiffany and Alicia for dinner. Let me tell you, these girls are a HOOT. We always have a good time hanging out together. 

We met up at the Cheesecake Factory to have lots of drinks dinner and sat outside for a bit waiting for our table in the gorgeous weather. Apparently the party had started without us (what’s up with that?!) so the girls already had a couple of libations prior to arriving. You can only imagine how loud and hilarious we were being outside. In fact, one guy in a party across from us started chatting away with us- jumping into our conversation about a restaurant that had recently opened. 

Our buzzer went off (much to Jess’s liking-Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz) and we headed inside. Once we sat down, we had this CUUUUUTE waiter. Apparently he was confused as to the extra place setting and couldn’t wrap his head around it so we quickly started ragging on him. Next thing we know, we have “Michael” as our waiter. HELLO, Michael. Mama likey. 


This man was F.I.N.E. fine. Tall, dark, big, HOTchacha. I’m pretty sure I drooled when he introduced himself. Well Michael knew that he was going to have some fun with us. We ordered our drinks and kept chatting away as this poor little scrawny guy came over with some waters asking who the birthday girl was. So Jess says, ME! And all of us stop, thinking that he’s going to do or say something to her. But he’s like, “Here’s your water.” Umm OK. What? Why’d he need to know who the birthday girl was if he was just passing around waters? Whackjob. So of course we gave him a little bit of shit as well. I wonder how he felt walking away from the table as 5 girls busted out laughing at him. Oh BTW, if you are there and want a yummy drink, Wendy ordered their passion fruit mojito. Delish!! 

Well when we got to our table, there was another table next to us, also celebrating a birthday, but CLEARLY not having as much fun as we were. And to explain a little bit further, I’ll just say no one at that table was a white girl. Got it? Well, they certainly didn’t appreciate us being all flirty flirty and loud with Michael. One of their men. Whatever. There were a few times that we caught them eye rolling towards us and loudly talking about us. Hey twits- Fuck off. How’s about that?

Well Michael turned into Mike which turned into Big Mike which turned into my future baby daddy. He came back and took our order, starting with Jess and then skipping over everyone to me- on the exact OPPOSITE end of the table. So of course when he left, shaking his head at us and our dirty filthy comments towards him, everyone looked at me like, He likes YOUUUUUUU!!!!! Shiiiiiiiit, that’s OK with me. Again- F.I.N.E.

The more drinks we had, the more Big Mike got sexually harassed had fun with us and the more we annoyed the girls next to us. The original guy (confused about place settings guy) said a couple of times to Mike about how Mike had the “fun” table. Mind you, every time he walked by us too, we made comments to him as well. I’m pretty sure Alicia kept trying to grab his nice white ass, as well. 

At some point we got Big Mike to chat a little bit with us and I forget what he said but I reacted with a “Well you never know if it’s a happy marriage, right? I mean, you could be looking for a way out.” Cuz he was wearing a “wedding” ring on his finger. That prompted him to tell me that it wasn’t a wedding ring, implying that he wasn’t married implying for me to show him a little cleavage. Well it was ON after that. Alicia gave him her camera to take a couple of pictures of us and he “just happened” to take one of himself- oops- for us. And I can neither confirm nor deny that I’ve printed it out as an 8 X 10 and it’s on my bedside right now. Framed. HAHA- no just kidding. That really WOULD be stalking. 

The girls kept telling me to write my number on my receipt for him. But I chickened out. Maybe I didn’t believe that he wasn’t married. But who knows- mama might be going to the Cheesecake Factory next Saturday to stalk my soon-to-be-divorced future husband. Cuz I’m thinking I could have some serious fun with him. Strictly PG, parentals, strictly PG. Alright, maybe PG 13. OK NC17. Geez. 

I’ll keep you updated on Big Mike sightings. Funny thing is, is that my friend Judy is trying to hook me up with a co-workers of hers. We’ve been playing phone tag for over a week now and I finally talked to him last night. He sounds nice.  He's 40 and from his picture, he’s got a bangin body. Woo hoo. Hopefully he knows how to use it. Dirty. Sorry. I’m done.

Oh and for those of you living under a rock that last couple of days.  I've now got a fan page on Facebook for the blog.  Please like me and suggest me to your friends!!  The link is below!  I'll be posting the links to the blog on there as well as random status updates to get you through the waiting period of my fabulously entertaining stories. 

https://www.facebook.com/#!/GirlwiththePinkToolbelt

2 comments:

  1. should have written your number on the receipt!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know! I know!! Stupid stupid girl I was!! Argh.

    ReplyDelete

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