Sunday, December 2, 2012

Shut The Eff Up, Elvis!

I swear, that post title actually means something- I'm not just going bat shit crazy.  But I'll get back to that.

Did any of you watch the Big Ten Football Championship game last night on Fox?  If you did, you would have seen my stadium up and close on national television, baby!  Yesterday was a HUGE day for me with that event.  Even though I had the inaugural event last year so I knew what to expect, it was still one of our biggest events to put on in our facility.  And if I do say so myself, we (I) kind of ROCKED THE SHIT OUT OF IT!  I actually love this event.  The promoters are great to work with and we know how to have a good time while getting shit done.  My guts hurt from laughing so much yesterday. Although if anyone walked through my office at any point they would have thought they were in a biker bar with the language coming from it.  Can you say INAPPROPRIATE?  All in fun though.  And I mean, if you haven't figured this out yet, there's nothing appropriate about me.

It was actually quite funny though at one point.  For all you people in Florida that worked with me and have seen me in "action"- you would have been proud.  The Old Kristi came out to play last night.  Woo hoo she's back, bitches!  You remember her right, the Major Bitch Kristi with capital M B and K?  It was quite funny to me at least because the ladies here haven't seen that side of me yet.  I was trying to help this obnoxious child grown man at one of the windows who wanted his seats moved because he was a Wisconsin fan and bought tickets on the Nebraska side.  Wah.  Like it was our fault.  He was probably scared he was going to get beat up by some drunk college kids.  Anyway- it got to me and you know I have zero patience for whiners.  What?  No way. I KNOW!  So I'm trying to talk to this man-child  through the microphone and up walks Elvis.  No lie.  In a red rhinestone spandex outfit strumming away on his guitar.  With his chest hair sticking out.  Sideburns and sunglasses.  Singing his little heart out to the beat.  He got so close to the guy at the window that it looked like he was trying to give him a rectal exam for christ sake.  So picture me, trying to calmly (hah) explain to this guy I can't help him with his situation and him trying to beg me for kindness (hah) and Elvis all up in our shit.  Mid conversation I just snapped.  I screamed so loud at asked politely Mr. Rhinestone to stop playing the fucking music nicely stop for a minute while I try to have a conversation with the customer at my window.  I've never seen a grown man as scared as I did at that moment.  It almost made me feel a little bit bad but then I reminded myself that this freak consciously chose to wear an Elvis costume in public.  Then I didn't feel so bad anymore.  He immediately stopped, piddled himself a little bit and just said, "OK." in almost a whisper.  It was quite amusing.  So now that I had neutered Elvis, I decided that I would help Mr. Whinypants and move him.  I mean, I got my fix of Kristi the Badass chastising Elvis so now I should be nice.  I mean, I think my staff is still recovering.  They've never seen anything like that.

What I didn't realize that one of my partners in crime was behind me and told me later that it was pretty hilarious seeing me like that.  I think I inspired him because a little later in the evening he got all  Shanequa at the windows with some people trying to get in on stolen tickets.  I mean, he even used hand gestures.  I've never been so turned on in my life.  It was quite hot.  Seeing a man in a pinstripe suit gets me anyways- but add in a little hostile aggressiveness?  Well, damn.  I needed to excuse myself.

Anyway- totally I finally have a day off. So I'm going to relax and get some housework done.  Check back later as one of my projects is currently drying on the kitchen table.  As soon as it's done I'll write up a little ditty.  Miss Beth totally inspired me on this one.  I think it's super cute.  You- probably won't.  If that's the case, you suck.  Just sayin.

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