Monday, March 7, 2011

Friends, projects, lights and douchbags.

OMG! Lots of fun things from this weekend!! I had a huge list of things to get done and was able to cross many of the items off the list. Saturday- Wendy, Jon and I were going to go to Restore and got all the way over to where the internet said it was- and it wasn’t there. SO DISAPPOINTING. Apparently it’s just a drop off location which was a wicked pisser. But we wiped away our tears and headed on over to Home Depot- where this mama spent LOTS of money on LOTS of fun things.

I had 2 gift certificates compliments of my mom from Christmas that I FINALLY used to get my orbital sander. The really pretty teal Bosch one that I wanted wasn’t in the store so I ended up getting the Ridgid one- which was a better model and cost $10 more but this one came with a lifetime warranty on anything that came in the box. Which might be a good thing for me- since I’ve NEVER used one before and lord knows my luck I’ll probably break it in the first week.  I picked up some paint for the dining chairs, Bombay dresser, and the night stands and dresser set. OH- I found the color that I originally wanted so I’m going to do a tester to see which one I like better… I’m still being secretive on the colors. You’ll see those once I start the actual projects. But it’ll be a HUGE change from my normal earth tone pallet like most of the things in my house. You’ll walk in and it’ll be like Emeril- BAM! In yo face!

Then Saturday night a bunch of us went over to our friends Judy and Steve’s house. We all brought over some sort of Asian cuisine (I brought my homemade egg rolls- YUMMY) and had a feast. It was all so delicious. Then after having a couple few numerous drinks, we sat down to play some really fun games!! It was girls vs. guys and I’m not trying to brag or anything but the girls kicked butt!! Can’t remember what the first game was called- but you have to either hum a song, only use words, only use your hands, or only use 7 words to describe the clues. Needless to say, I’m a pretty good hummer (wink wink- that’s for you Beth!) and Steve is not. Side note- if we are ever in the same room and we are playing “Name that tune” you definitely want me on your team. If you don’t pick me, be prepared to lose big time. Big mistake. Huge. That was me being Julia Roberts.

After we played that a few times, we moved on to Battle of the Sexes. I’ll give you a little bit of information on this game if you’ve never played it. DON’T. HAHA. It was really fun and we learned and already forgot a bunch of things, but out of the 7 of us, we probably got 5 answers correct after 4 hours of playing.  There were the most random questions in there. All of the male questions that we had to answer were revolved around baseball and what year whoever played for whatever team and his nickname was ___ and he chewed this flavor of gum. I did however, get the answer right to this question: All of these are types of what? Coach, round, flat and countersunk. I played stupid for a few seconds cuz the guys were like, “Kristi’s gonna get this one, just move your piece forward now.” But I totally tricked them and blurted it out at the end right before time was up! SCORE! One thing we did learn though while playing the games is that Chad is a book of knowledge. Like some of the most random things EVER- he knows. Like I have no idea where he pulled some of those answers out of, but he knew them. Do any of you know who the first person to fly around the world in a hot air balloon was? Can you tell me in less than 2 seconds without looking it up on Google? Well, Chad can. It was pretty ridiculous. But the night was tons of fun and didn’t end until about 3am. Yowsa! It’s always a great time hanging with these guys- it’s too bad Chad and Kristi (no I’m not speaking of myself in the third person here- that’s Chad’s wife) will be moving pretty soon to VA. We will miss them LOTS!!! But they are going to love living there!

So after a measly 9 hours of sleep on Sunday (Saturday night? Sunday morning?) I woke to my to-do list STARING at me from the nightstand. It was seriously like those Geico eyes. Sing it with me: "I always feel like, somebody’s watching meeeeee." I knew I wanted to get the house cleaned up (because contrary to what everyone thinks- my house is NOT always spotless). I believe that I had dishes in the sink from the weekend before. Gasp! The horror! I can’t believe that I just admitted that. Disgusting. It was starting to smell not-so pretty in the house. There were 3 main projects that I wanted to get done. The first I had to call in reinforcements for cuz I only have 2 hands. I mean, I'm not God.  Wendy bribed Jon to come over so he could hold up the dining light while I unhooked it from the ceiling and wrapped electrical tape around the wires that I had cut up, shortened and re-clamped a few weeks ago. Both of us got up onto the ladder (I was nice enough to apologize for not brushing my teeth since we were in such close proximity). The entire time we were up there though I just kept imagining doing one really big hip pump and knocking Jon off the other side of the ladder with my belly! But I played nice since they drove all the way the 3 miles over to my house to help me. But you are warned Jon. Be afraid. Be very afraid. I cannot say if I will be that nice again.

With that being done Jon decided to give me his two cents on how he thought I should cut out the holes in the lids of the mason jars. I was going to use a box cutter and my superior muscle skills to cut through the steel. My dad said that wouldn’t work and suggested getting a hole saw when I asked for his opinion on the project (thanks Dad I say sarcastically- you’ll see why later). So when I was out at my favorite store I picked one up. Thank god it was only $12. Back to Jon. He wanted to make sure that I wasn’t planning on just holding the lid with my hand (seeing as though it was about 2 inches wide and the saw was 1 ½ inches wide) because KNOWING ME he didn’t want me to saw half of my hand off when I turned the drill on. Good looking out, Jon. See- I really do have great friends. I told him that I was thinking the same thing and he suggested that I get a piece of wood and screw the lids to the wood and then hold the wood while using the saw. So……. After making fun of people for dumpster diving in my neighborhood, I went outside to the house next door that they are building to see if they had any extra wood laying around. Man- what I would do for a little extra wood laying around my house. :) OK. Anyways. Awkward silence. Crickets. Crickets. Well needless to say there was no wood in the dumpster and I was humiliated by people (Jon and Wendy) screaming "DUMPSTER DIVER!" at me while I was doing it. So off to my third favorite store to get some wood I went. Thank god it was only $2.50. And while I was there- I picked up some new light bulbs for the mason jars because regular light bulbs are too wide to fit into the jar. Simple projects next time Kristi. Simple projects.

After getting back home and making dinner- "I’ll have the quesadilla"- I start to screw the lids to the wood. Totally easy. It would have been really nice if this had worked. Thanks, Jon. Or it would’ve been really nice if the hole saw would have worked. Thank, Dad.  Nope, you know what worked? THE BOX CUTTER!!!! You know what I paid for that? NOTHING. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Do you know how long I spent trying to get the wood/screws/hole saw contraption thing to work? HOURS!  Do you know how many times I had to get up off of the kitchen floor and walk away while counting to ten? TOO MUCH TO COUNT! Do you want to know how long the box cutter way took? My way? 5 minutes.  It’s good to know that I do have some smarts when it comes to this type of stuff. I may have won this round- but I’m sure that they will know better than me on most other things so I won’t get to “gloaty” here. Thank god I didn’t have to get my blood pressure checked today cuz they would have admitted me.  Anyways- I got the lights up and they look awesome!! I love them. Pictures are at the bottom.

I also cleaned out my garage and vacuumed up all of the dirt and salt from the car which made me feel all better. I love vacuums. They have special powers. Then the third project (mind you these are in no order whatsoever. I basically hopped around with these projects all day) was started and completed- I took the new fabriced chair cushions out there and sprayed the hell out of them with Scotch guard. Not that I think any of my friends would spill anything on them cuz they would fear for their lives if they did. But you never know!

I got my Florence and the Machine CD in the mail on Saturday morning so I was listening to it throughout the entire weekend- LOVE IT! Shout out to Jesse B’s wife. Clearly, Beth's friend who mailed it to me has has some big dreams for my friend. OMG- She made my day today. When we were on the road last summer there was this douchebag that worked with me (and I am being very generous with the word "worked").  I call her Summer’s Eve cuz she’s a douchebag and she uses it cuz she's got a rotten cooch.  I even had her programmed into my phone as that so when she decided to grace me with an email that’s what came up from the sender or if she called to complain about something that she didn’t do right and could I fix it, my caller ID said that. Have I told you lately that I’m 31 years old? No? Well everyone on the road HATED her. I may have had something to do with that but I’d like to think my friends have minds of their own and determined it themselves when they met her for the first time. Anyways- she is one of those people that doesn’t do anything as far as lift a finger, blames everyone else for her mistakes, uses and abuses people, talks down to others… I can go on for days- but I’m sure you get the hint. Well I believe that we were in San Antonio and I was getting SCREAMED at by one of her customers and this was like day 5 of a 6 day Texas trip, it was mid-summer, it was 110 degrees, I was tired, cranky, and so NOT in the mood for this customer of hers to be yelling at me for her screw up. So my girls and I came up with a song that I will sing/type to you right now. It sounds mean but if you sing it in a sweet, sing-songy voice and sway along to the beat a little bit- it doesn’t sound so mean. It goes a little something like this: “She’s a dirty cunt bad. She’s a dirty cunt bag.” Clearly, we weren’t that creative, but it really made us feel better every time we saw her to sing that song. Well, today Beth emails me FIRST THING this morning, saying “Oh boy. It's only 9:30am. I've called someone a dirty c-bag 6 times since she got here at 9.” Again, have I said how many times I love this girl? Cuz I do. For reasons like that. And then I picture Summer’s Eve and think again how glad I am that I no longer work with her. Or should I say- clean up her messes anymore? Or hear her horrible SoCal accent any longer? Soooooooooooo………………………….yeah……………………….Like

soooooooooooooo………………………um…………………..yeah…………………….. SHOOT ME NOW!  I had to listen to that for an entire summer!

Oh and if you are wondering the answer- it’s a screw. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I thank you for paying attention to my every word. You suck.


I'm debating on whether or not I should spray the lids to match the oil rubbed bronze of the light fixtures.  But I'm kind of liking the antique-y rustic feel of it.  I'll live with it for a couple of weeks and see how I feel about it then.  Til next time!!!


  1. yes, spray the lids to match . . . and don't waste so much energy/text/thought on you know who ever again! she's so not worth it. :)

  2. Spray the lids....cute idea....

  3. Soooooooo, ummmmmmm, can you stay here while I go talk to some friends? :)


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