Monday, December 24, 2012

Tea For Two?

You know, cuz I'm such a classy bitch.  I can FINALLY show you the gift I sent to Miss Beth!  I about died waiting for her to get the package to see her reaction.  For those of you who don't know- Beth is my sister from another mister.  She has the exact same dirty, filthy, raunchy, and sarcastic personality as I do.  She's the peanut butter to my jelly.  The hops to my beer.  The Bailey's to my glass of ice.  So when I was looking for gifts for my friends, no random or typical gift would do for her.

After scrolling through Pinterest again for the zillionth time a couple of weeks ago- it hit me!  I saw this image that I'd seen like a doezn times and laughed my ass off at and said to myself, "Self, you NEED to make these for yourself."  I eventually will do them for me but first, I had to make them for Beth.

I headed out to a couple of thrift stores and to Goodwill and couldn't find what I was looking for.  I left and went over to my local consignment store where I've purchased a few furniture pieces from- hoping that they'd have it.  And boy did I hit the mother load!!

Merry Christmas You Filthy Animals!!

Well my friend Lauren and I made the trek back to New England on Thursday night.  We left after work and drove straight through like we have the past 3 years.  This trip didn't feel like it took too long but it was about 15 hours from Indy to CT.  By the time I was dropped off on the side of the road in Hartford, my ass needed a break.  Imagine me sitting still for 15 hours straight.  Oh. My.  LORD!  It wasn't too bad though as we chatted away and caught up since we hadn't seen each other all month.

At one stop about 2 or 3 in the morning we pulled into a gas station to fill up and use the facilities and there were about 5 cops sitting around a table having coffee.  Lauren called her mom to let her know we had stopped and she asked her where we were.  Since Lauren didn't know she asked me- like I hadn't just gotten out of the same car as her.  All I knew was that we were in a gas station at that point.  I could barely keep my eyes open on the road- never mind paying attention to it at the same time.  That's a lot to ask someone.  Seriously.

Anyway- the cops heard us and let us know what small town we were in.  So after she got off the phone and we got some drinks the cops called us over.  One asked us so politely "What college you girls driving home from?"  Awwww shucks, Mr. Policeman.  Bless your heart.  You are WAY too kind.  As I held back a very obnoxious laugh, Lauren informed them that weren't coming from college- even though we DO look 21 still.  But driving from IN to CT.  One cop looked us up and down like he didn't believe we weren't college age anymore.  Now no one can make fun of me for wearing stretchy pants in public if I'm going to get compliments like that!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Gearing Up For The Holidays!

So can we just talk about how excited I am to get back home for the holiday?  I don't know what I'm looking forward to more- seeing my family and friends or eating Chee's for an entire week straight! It's probably Chee's but we'll pretend for the F & F reading this!  But it's really Chee's.

I've gotten a little into the Christmas cheer this year.  Shocking since I'm Team Scrooge.  I made another cute wreath for my door.  I got the makings last year after Christmas in MA when my mom and I did a little after holiday shopping.  We headed out to Michael's where everything was 75-80% off.  This started out as a plain pine cone wreath and I added some teal poinsettia's for a little sum sum.

And a super quick 4 minutes later I had this:

Saturday, December 15, 2012

No Creepy Elves On These Shelves

They are DONE!!!  Woot woot!  And it was NO SMALL FEAT either.  My word.

I went out on Sunday for what I thought would be a simple trip to pick up some wood at Lowes.  I was hell bent on starting on the shelves for the laundry room.

{the awfulness I was working with hence the reason for this post}

What I thought would be a quick call to my Daddy-O about what kind of wood I should get, turned into a 45 minute phone conversation on way too complicated of a process.  Love ya Dad!  But I was trying to keep it easy peasy. And his idea was not easy or peasy. But we worked it out.  I finally made it to Lowes only to be told that their saw was out of order.  Fuck. Me. Seriously?  I bought the wood brackets in my cart- although I wasn't in love with them but they were the only options there and headed over to the hood to Home Depot.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

My Cyber Monday Steal!!

So I've been looking for a new duvet cover for like....ummm.... I don't know.....forever.  At least that's what it seems like.  I've fallen in and out of love with some that were super expensive, ones that I purchased but were too short on the sides and some that just didn't look as good on my bed as I'd thought they would have from the package.  I even went so far as to think about making my own that I saw on Anthropology.

One that was like $350.  That would have probably cost me about $60 to make.  But then I realized that I didn't have the patience to make my own.  And I liked my sanity too much.

Then I found one in BBB.  But it's kind of pricey and one of those that you have to buy the shams separate- increasing the cost of it.  So I've waited.  And waited.  And waited some more for that bitch to go on sale.  To no avail.  Even with the 20% coupons that they always send it would have made me regret spending so much money on it.  Anything that I saw that I might have like I immediately compared to the one in BBB.  And nothing ever reached the standard I had set for it.  Wait- am I really talking about standards for duvet covers?  My word I'm such a dork.

Well Miss Wendy found one for me and had to show me a while back.  It was still kind of expensive but not like the one that I just luuuuurved.   And aside from a few less colors, it was VERY similar to the one I wanted.  I kept telling her to keep an eye on it to see if it went on sale.  So when she called me on Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend and told me to go online because it was on sale- I jumped onto my laptop so fast! It was marked $77 from $110 with free shipping.  Score!  In the cart it went.

Well it finally arrived last night.  I got it ironed and changed out what I had on there and sat back to admire it.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!!!!  Here are some of the covers that I've had on there so far.

The last photo is what I've been working with for the last couple of months.  I was over it.  So here is my new one!!!

{close up!}

Don't you just love it as much as I do?  Really, just go with it.  I'm having a moment.

It also comes with some additional pillows that I will think about getting.

But we will see.  I'll probably keep checking them to see if they go on clearance.  If not, I can do without.  Now it's time to actually start decorating the room since I've finally found the bedding.  How ridiculous it is that the one room that I spend most of my time in is the LAST room to be decorated?  I mean, I've only lived here for 3 years.

So who wants to come sleep in my bed and test out this new duvet?  :)

Sunday, December 2, 2012


Do any of you find these abbreviations suuuuuuuuper annoying like I do?  Most of the internet slang I just don't get.  I actually have to look them up because I'm so not cool like that.  What happened to actually typing out actual words?  There was this girl I used to work with.  And aside from the fact that she was just obnoxious- she actually spoke and did presentations using WTF and OMG- and not saying the words that the abbreviations mean- but just saying the letters.  I'm not lying.  Who does that and how unprofessional is that?  Maybe I'm just old school.  Maybe I'm just not down with the technology- I say to myself as I type this blog. But in all seriousness- what happened to being literate? And let's be honest, there isn't one thing manly about a guy using LOL.  Not a single thing.

Now don't get me wrong.  I'm just as bad as you all.  I love technology.  I mean, I literally have entire relationships via text message.  Or I feel like I know everything about you because of what you post on FB- yet I haven't seen you in person since I was 18 years old.  It's crazy how we- as a society- have come to accept and at times- embrace it.  I wouldn't have gotten in touch with some awesome people from my past or stayed in touch with as many people along the way without it.  But it's just these ROTFLOLing's that I just don't get.  I mean, are you REALLY rolling on the floor laughing out loud when you say you are?  I just don't believe it.  The other night I got GN SD and I actually had to reply back and ask what that meant.  I knew the GN part.  But was at a loss for the SD.  Like I said, I'm old school.  (It's sweet dreams for all you like me out there!)

There really is a point to this post, I swear.  Keep reading- it's worth it.  So since we are becoming such a technologically advanced society with our social media obsessed lives- how often is it that we pick up a card, hand write inside said card and actually put it in the mail to send to someone?  Now, I'm not talking about birthday or Xmas or sympathy cards.  Just random, I saw this and thought of you cards.  Well the other day, Miss Beth did just that.  She saw this card, probably LOL'd in the store, slapped a stamp on it and put it in the box.

I found it odd that she needed my address but I obliged.  First, I plastered her with random questions first.  What did she buy me?  Did it have rhinestones?  Was she sending me nipple tassels?  Not kidding.  She wouldn't tell me (even though I knew that she knew I secretly wanted those nipple tassels) so I had to wait around for the snail mail to find out.

Well the other day it arrived- it was a card.  Now, if you know me you know my LOVE  of all things Xmas pure sarcasm here people.  So I found the back of the envelope to be quite funny.

{although you should know that I quite enjoy holiday cards}

I ripped that sucker open to see what the card said and found this:

Shut The Eff Up, Elvis!

I swear, that post title actually means something- I'm not just going bat shit crazy.  But I'll get back to that.

Did any of you watch the Big Ten Football Championship game last night on Fox?  If you did, you would have seen my stadium up and close on national television, baby!  Yesterday was a HUGE day for me with that event.  Even though I had the inaugural event last year so I knew what to expect, it was still one of our biggest events to put on in our facility.  And if I do say so myself, we (I) kind of ROCKED THE SHIT OUT OF IT!  I actually love this event.  The promoters are great to work with and we know how to have a good time while getting shit done.  My guts hurt from laughing so much yesterday. Although if anyone walked through my office at any point they would have thought they were in a biker bar with the language coming from it.  Can you say INAPPROPRIATE?  All in fun though.  And I mean, if you haven't figured this out yet, there's nothing appropriate about me.

It was actually quite funny though at one point.  For all you people in Florida that worked with me and have seen me in "action"- you would have been proud.  The Old Kristi came out to play last night.  Woo hoo she's back, bitches!  You remember her right, the Major Bitch Kristi with capital M B and K?  It was quite funny to me at least because the ladies here haven't seen that side of me yet.  I was trying to help this obnoxious child grown man at one of the windows who wanted his seats moved because he was a Wisconsin fan and bought tickets on the Nebraska side.  Wah.  Like it was our fault.  He was probably scared he was going to get beat up by some drunk college kids.  Anyway- it got to me and you know I have zero patience for whiners.  What?  No way. I KNOW!  So I'm trying to talk to this man-child  through the microphone and up walks Elvis.  No lie.  In a red rhinestone spandex outfit strumming away on his guitar.  With his chest hair sticking out.  Sideburns and sunglasses.  Singing his little heart out to the beat.  He got so close to the guy at the window that it looked like he was trying to give him a rectal exam for christ sake.  So picture me, trying to calmly (hah) explain to this guy I can't help him with his situation and him trying to beg me for kindness (hah) and Elvis all up in our shit.  Mid conversation I just snapped.  I screamed so loud at asked politely Mr. Rhinestone to stop playing the fucking music nicely stop for a minute while I try to have a conversation with the customer at my window.  I've never seen a grown man as scared as I did at that moment.  It almost made me feel a little bit bad but then I reminded myself that this freak consciously chose to wear an Elvis costume in public.  Then I didn't feel so bad anymore.  He immediately stopped, piddled himself a little bit and just said, "OK." in almost a whisper.  It was quite amusing.  So now that I had neutered Elvis, I decided that I would help Mr. Whinypants and move him.  I mean, I got my fix of Kristi the Badass chastising Elvis so now I should be nice.  I mean, I think my staff is still recovering.  They've never seen anything like that.

What I didn't realize that one of my partners in crime was behind me and told me later that it was pretty hilarious seeing me like that.  I think I inspired him because a little later in the evening he got all  Shanequa at the windows with some people trying to get in on stolen tickets.  I mean, he even used hand gestures.  I've never been so turned on in my life.  It was quite hot.  Seeing a man in a pinstripe suit gets me anyways- but add in a little hostile aggressiveness?  Well, damn.  I needed to excuse myself.

Anyway- totally I finally have a day off. So I'm going to relax and get some housework done.  Check back later as one of my projects is currently drying on the kitchen table.  As soon as it's done I'll write up a little ditty.  Miss Beth totally inspired me on this one.  I think it's super cute.  You- probably won't.  If that's the case, you suck.  Just sayin.