Monday, December 24, 2012

Tea For Two?

You know, cuz I'm such a classy bitch.  I can FINALLY show you the gift I sent to Miss Beth!  I about died waiting for her to get the package to see her reaction.  For those of you who don't know- Beth is my sister from another mister.  She has the exact same dirty, filthy, raunchy, and sarcastic personality as I do.  She's the peanut butter to my jelly.  The hops to my beer.  The Bailey's to my glass of ice.  So when I was looking for gifts for my friends, no random or typical gift would do for her.

After scrolling through Pinterest again for the zillionth time a couple of weeks ago- it hit me!  I saw this image that I'd seen like a doezn times and laughed my ass off at and said to myself, "Self, you NEED to make these for yourself."  I eventually will do them for me but first, I had to make them for Beth.

I headed out to a couple of thrift stores and to Goodwill and couldn't find what I was looking for.  I left and went over to my local consignment store where I've purchased a few furniture pieces from- hoping that they'd have it.  And boy did I hit the mother load!!

Merry Christmas You Filthy Animals!!

Well my friend Lauren and I made the trek back to New England on Thursday night.  We left after work and drove straight through like we have the past 3 years.  This trip didn't feel like it took too long but it was about 15 hours from Indy to CT.  By the time I was dropped off on the side of the road in Hartford, my ass needed a break.  Imagine me sitting still for 15 hours straight.  Oh. My.  LORD!  It wasn't too bad though as we chatted away and caught up since we hadn't seen each other all month.

At one stop about 2 or 3 in the morning we pulled into a gas station to fill up and use the facilities and there were about 5 cops sitting around a table having coffee.  Lauren called her mom to let her know we had stopped and she asked her where we were.  Since Lauren didn't know she asked me- like I hadn't just gotten out of the same car as her.  All I knew was that we were in a gas station at that point.  I could barely keep my eyes open on the road- never mind paying attention to it at the same time.  That's a lot to ask someone.  Seriously.

Anyway- the cops heard us and let us know what small town we were in.  So after she got off the phone and we got some drinks the cops called us over.  One asked us so politely "What college you girls driving home from?"  Awwww shucks, Mr. Policeman.  Bless your heart.  You are WAY too kind.  As I held back a very obnoxious laugh, Lauren informed them that weren't coming from college- even though we DO look 21 still.  But driving from IN to CT.  One cop looked us up and down like he didn't believe we weren't college age anymore.  Now no one can make fun of me for wearing stretchy pants in public if I'm going to get compliments like that!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Gearing Up For The Holidays!

So can we just talk about how excited I am to get back home for the holiday?  I don't know what I'm looking forward to more- seeing my family and friends or eating Chee's for an entire week straight! It's probably Chee's but we'll pretend for the F & F reading this!  But it's really Chee's.

I've gotten a little into the Christmas cheer this year.  Shocking since I'm Team Scrooge.  I made another cute wreath for my door.  I got the makings last year after Christmas in MA when my mom and I did a little after holiday shopping.  We headed out to Michael's where everything was 75-80% off.  This started out as a plain pine cone wreath and I added some teal poinsettia's for a little sum sum.


And a super quick 4 minutes later I had this:

Saturday, December 15, 2012

No Creepy Elves On These Shelves

They are DONE!!!  Woot woot!  And it was NO SMALL FEAT either.  My word.

I went out on Sunday for what I thought would be a simple trip to pick up some wood at Lowes.  I was hell bent on starting on the shelves for the laundry room.

{the awfulness I was working with hence the reason for this post}

What I thought would be a quick call to my Daddy-O about what kind of wood I should get, turned into a 45 minute phone conversation on way too complicated of a process.  Love ya Dad!  But I was trying to keep it easy peasy. And his idea was not easy or peasy. But we worked it out.  I finally made it to Lowes only to be told that their saw was out of order.  Fuck. Me. Seriously?  I bought the wood brackets in my cart- although I wasn't in love with them but they were the only options there and headed over to the hood to Home Depot.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

My Cyber Monday Steal!!

So I've been looking for a new duvet cover for like....ummm.... I don't know.....forever.  At least that's what it seems like.  I've fallen in and out of love with some that were super expensive, ones that I purchased but were too short on the sides and some that just didn't look as good on my bed as I'd thought they would have from the package.  I even went so far as to think about making my own that I saw on Anthropology.



One that was like $350.  That would have probably cost me about $60 to make.  But then I realized that I didn't have the patience to make my own.  And I liked my sanity too much.

Then I found one in BBB.  But it's kind of pricey and one of those that you have to buy the shams separate- increasing the cost of it.  So I've waited.  And waited.  And waited some more for that bitch to go on sale.  To no avail.  Even with the 20% coupons that they always send it would have made me regret spending so much money on it.  Anything that I saw that I might have like I immediately compared to the one in BBB.  And nothing ever reached the standard I had set for it.  Wait- am I really talking about standards for duvet covers?  My word I'm such a dork.

Well Miss Wendy found one for me and had to show me a while back.  It was still kind of expensive but not like the one that I just luuuuurved.   And aside from a few less colors, it was VERY similar to the one I wanted.  I kept telling her to keep an eye on it to see if it went on sale.  So when she called me on Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend and told me to go online because it was on sale- I jumped onto my laptop so fast! It was marked $77 from $110 with free shipping.  Score!  In the cart it went.

Well it finally arrived last night.  I got it ironed and changed out what I had on there and sat back to admire it.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!!!!  Here are some of the covers that I've had on there so far.




The last photo is what I've been working with for the last couple of months.  I was over it.  So here is my new one!!!


{close up!}

Don't you just love it as much as I do?  Really, just go with it.  I'm having a moment.

It also comes with some additional pillows that I will think about getting.





But we will see.  I'll probably keep checking them to see if they go on clearance.  If not, I can do without.  Now it's time to actually start decorating the room since I've finally found the bedding.  How ridiculous it is that the one room that I spend most of my time in is the LAST room to be decorated?  I mean, I've only lived here for 3 years.

So who wants to come sleep in my bed and test out this new duvet?  :)

Sunday, December 2, 2012

OMG SMH LOL!

Do any of you find these abbreviations suuuuuuuuper annoying like I do?  Most of the internet slang I just don't get.  I actually have to look them up because I'm so not cool like that.  What happened to actually typing out actual words?  There was this girl I used to work with.  And aside from the fact that she was just obnoxious- she actually spoke and did presentations using WTF and OMG- and not saying the words that the abbreviations mean- but just saying the letters.  I'm not lying.  Who does that and how unprofessional is that?  Maybe I'm just old school.  Maybe I'm just not down with the technology- I say to myself as I type this blog. But in all seriousness- what happened to being literate? And let's be honest, there isn't one thing manly about a guy using LOL.  Not a single thing.

Now don't get me wrong.  I'm just as bad as you all.  I love technology.  I mean, I literally have entire relationships via text message.  Or I feel like I know everything about you because of what you post on FB- yet I haven't seen you in person since I was 18 years old.  It's crazy how we- as a society- have come to accept and at times- embrace it.  I wouldn't have gotten in touch with some awesome people from my past or stayed in touch with as many people along the way without it.  But it's just these ROTFLOLing's that I just don't get.  I mean, are you REALLY rolling on the floor laughing out loud when you say you are?  I just don't believe it.  The other night I got GN SD and I actually had to reply back and ask what that meant.  I knew the GN part.  But was at a loss for the SD.  Like I said, I'm old school.  (It's sweet dreams for all you like me out there!)

There really is a point to this post, I swear.  Keep reading- it's worth it.  So since we are becoming such a technologically advanced society with our social media obsessed lives- how often is it that we pick up a card, hand write inside said card and actually put it in the mail to send to someone?  Now, I'm not talking about birthday or Xmas or sympathy cards.  Just random, I saw this and thought of you cards.  Well the other day, Miss Beth did just that.  She saw this card, probably LOL'd in the store, slapped a stamp on it and put it in the box.

I found it odd that she needed my address but I obliged.  First, I plastered her with random questions first.  What did she buy me?  Did it have rhinestones?  Was she sending me nipple tassels?  Not kidding.  She wouldn't tell me (even though I knew that she knew I secretly wanted those nipple tassels) so I had to wait around for the snail mail to find out.

Well the other day it arrived- it was a card.  Now, if you know me you know my LOVE  of all things Xmas pure sarcasm here people.  So I found the back of the envelope to be quite funny.

{although you should know that I quite enjoy holiday cards}

I ripped that sucker open to see what the card said and found this:

Shut The Eff Up, Elvis!

I swear, that post title actually means something- I'm not just going bat shit crazy.  But I'll get back to that.

Did any of you watch the Big Ten Football Championship game last night on Fox?  If you did, you would have seen my stadium up and close on national television, baby!  Yesterday was a HUGE day for me with that event.  Even though I had the inaugural event last year so I knew what to expect, it was still one of our biggest events to put on in our facility.  And if I do say so myself, we (I) kind of ROCKED THE SHIT OUT OF IT!  I actually love this event.  The promoters are great to work with and we know how to have a good time while getting shit done.  My guts hurt from laughing so much yesterday. Although if anyone walked through my office at any point they would have thought they were in a biker bar with the language coming from it.  Can you say INAPPROPRIATE?  All in fun though.  And I mean, if you haven't figured this out yet, there's nothing appropriate about me.

It was actually quite funny though at one point.  For all you people in Florida that worked with me and have seen me in "action"- you would have been proud.  The Old Kristi came out to play last night.  Woo hoo she's back, bitches!  You remember her right, the Major Bitch Kristi with capital M B and K?  It was quite funny to me at least because the ladies here haven't seen that side of me yet.  I was trying to help this obnoxious child grown man at one of the windows who wanted his seats moved because he was a Wisconsin fan and bought tickets on the Nebraska side.  Wah.  Like it was our fault.  He was probably scared he was going to get beat up by some drunk college kids.  Anyway- it got to me and you know I have zero patience for whiners.  What?  No way. I KNOW!  So I'm trying to talk to this man-child  through the microphone and up walks Elvis.  No lie.  In a red rhinestone spandex outfit strumming away on his guitar.  With his chest hair sticking out.  Sideburns and sunglasses.  Singing his little heart out to the beat.  He got so close to the guy at the window that it looked like he was trying to give him a rectal exam for christ sake.  So picture me, trying to calmly (hah) explain to this guy I can't help him with his situation and him trying to beg me for kindness (hah) and Elvis all up in our shit.  Mid conversation I just snapped.  I screamed so loud at asked politely Mr. Rhinestone to stop playing the fucking music nicely stop for a minute while I try to have a conversation with the customer at my window.  I've never seen a grown man as scared as I did at that moment.  It almost made me feel a little bit bad but then I reminded myself that this freak consciously chose to wear an Elvis costume in public.  Then I didn't feel so bad anymore.  He immediately stopped, piddled himself a little bit and just said, "OK." in almost a whisper.  It was quite amusing.  So now that I had neutered Elvis, I decided that I would help Mr. Whinypants and move him.  I mean, I got my fix of Kristi the Badass chastising Elvis so now I should be nice.  I mean, I think my staff is still recovering.  They've never seen anything like that.

What I didn't realize that one of my partners in crime was behind me and told me later that it was pretty hilarious seeing me like that.  I think I inspired him because a little later in the evening he got all  Shanequa at the windows with some people trying to get in on stolen tickets.  I mean, he even used hand gestures.  I've never been so turned on in my life.  It was quite hot.  Seeing a man in a pinstripe suit gets me anyways- but add in a little hostile aggressiveness?  Well, damn.  I needed to excuse myself.

Anyway- totally I finally have a day off. So I'm going to relax and get some housework done.  Check back later as one of my projects is currently drying on the kitchen table.  As soon as it's done I'll write up a little ditty.  Miss Beth totally inspired me on this one.  I think it's super cute.  You- probably won't.  If that's the case, you suck.  Just sayin.

Monday, November 26, 2012

A Little Paint Or A Little Stain?

What a looooooooong flipping weekend.  I hope you all enjoyed your Thanksgiving holiday with whomever you were nice enough to grace with your presence.  I had a great time as always with Miss Wendy's family.  No one plays Transformers with a 2 year old like I do.  No one.  I'm pretty much the bomb.  Just sayin.

Well aside from a nice relaxing Thursday with a HUGE Patriots win- how about them boys?- I had to work high school football championships all day Fri and all day Sat then had a Colts game on Sunday.  So my brain is a little mushier than normal right now.  Seriously- at one point today I was passed out on my desk drooling.  Clean-up on aisle one!   It wasn't pretty.  This weekend is the biggest week of the year for me- well aside from that little Super Bowl thing that we had in February.  So I'll be busting my booty this week leading up to Saturday's big game- check it out on Fox.  Shameless plug as I am now sponsored by Fox.  Just kidding.  But I am paid by the stadium that will be aired on Fox- so kindasortathesamething.

Hopefully this Sunday I can finally start doing the dishes from last week that are still sitting on my counter.  Although the apple peels drying out on the cutting board make the house smell nice.  But I'm guessing that won't last much longer.  Maybe instead of posting I should be cleaning my kitchen?  Ah whatevs.  It'll be there tomorrow.   So since I have 5 minutes to spare I got to thinking about my next house project.  I will have a quick and easy artwork project for upstairs that I hope to tackle on Sunday maybe if I can get to Michael's.  But what I'm really needing to start working on is the laundry room- aka my grand entrance into my mansion.      

My girl Melissa just finished working on her shelving in her kitchen which looks amazing- and it got me itching to get cracking on mine in my laundry room.  Here are some terrible shots of the super teenie tiny space.  Like- you can't even stand in the room and get a full shot of the back wall because it's so close to you.  So just pretend that these are amazing photos that fully show what I'm working with.  It's a stretch, I know.  But roll with it baby.



And in the keeping it real fashion- see all the shit that needs hiding with new shelving and cute baskets?  Yea this room is so glamorous.  Welcome home, Kristi.

I'm going to be so frickin happy to get rid of that wire shelf.  It's not even funny.  What IS funny is that even though I'm like 5'7" on a good day, I can barely reach the stuff on that shelf.  No lie.  The washer and dryer stick out so far from the wall that I'm literally on my tippy toes trying to get the detergent.  It's kind of ridiculous.

So my thoughts are that I'm going to put 3 wood shelves spanning the length of the wall.  BUT- I have a dilemma.  Do I paint them white or do I stain them dark walnut?  You know I love crisp white but you also know I luuuuuuurv me some dark brown as well.  HAH.  In more ways than one!  Anywho- I have a treatment for the back wall so the light blue paint will no longer be visible.  So that entire wall will be white.  I'm thinking that it's going to be too much white if I go with white shelves.  What do you think?  My inspiration photo from forever ago (not sure where I found it so sorry for not supplying the source) is below.


Cute, right?  Can you see where I'm going with it?  I can't wait have my laundry all stylin with baskets and canisters with labels.  OMG my OCD organization self  is going to love it!  So, whatcha think?  

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Giving Thanks.....In My Own Sarcastic Way

Since today is Thanksgiving, I figured I'd totally go against the grain and do a "Things I'm Thankful For" List. Most people have been participating in the 30 Days of Thanks already on Facebook but that shit is too time consuming and I have an attention span of a 2 year old.  So you get this list.  Be thankful, bitches.  In random order, below are the things that I am thankful for this year:

  • Stretchy pants.  That I'm already wearing because mama had 2 plates of turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, corn, and cranberry sauce.  Two plates.  It was delicious.  And I won't regret it later on.  
  • For the Patriots being nationally televised tonight.  Two games in a row I get to see my future baby daddies in action.  
  • On the same note- for Mr. and Mrs. Gronkowski for birthing such a sexy and extremely articulate piece of ass.   Oh the things I fantasize about doing to him.  

{you're welcome ladies}
  • For the mute button so that I don't have to listen to the obnoxious Target holiday commercials.  Seriously every year- soooooooooo annoying.  
  • For my job and my co-workers and the paycheck it provides me twice a month.  I almost like it as much as my job at Dairy Queen in high school.  Which is really saying something because you all know how much I love ice cream.  
  • For my family and friends (and my friends families) for putting up with my douchiness on a daily basis.  And for pretending that I am funny when I'm probably not.  And for being there for me when I more than likely don't deserve it.    
  • For my awesome house and the comfort that it provides me- not only because of the furniture that I've selected for the inside of it.  But for the feeling I get when I pull into the garage, shut the door, strip down naked throughout the house on my way up the stairs to put on those stretchy pants then going back downstairs and throwing a blanket on me to watch television.  Complete comfort knowing that I can shut myself off from the world, close my blinds and just be a complete slob in something that is all mine.  Well, at least it will be in 27 years.  But that's just semantics.
  • For my ex best friend.  While I don't believe that I've ever mentioned her on this blog I do have to thank her.  Because if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't know the difference in her kind of friendship and what it really means to have best friends.  Ones who like you for who you are and not what they want you to be, who want nothing in return for their friendship, who are there for you without a hidden agenda, who don't use your past against you at any given moment to show how much better of a person they are than you, who don't see you or your job as an opportunity for themselves, who allow you to be friends with other people and don't ruin all of those relationships behind your back with lies because they are extremely possessive of you.  Shit- I could keep going but I think you get the point.   
  • For my health.  While I am obviously not the healthiest person around- I am fortunate enough that I wake up every morning breathing and don't have to suck down a handful of pills to get me through the day.  
  • For the man to has me smitten and smiling lately.  He's almost as filthy as I am.  Which is probably the first quality I look for in a man.  
  • For having the smarts to never ever participate in any Black Friday ridiculousness.  
  • For our troops who are putting their lives on the line as I type this bullshit list.  Who are missing their friends and family and a good home cooked meal every day they are not on US soil.  I'll post a titty shot later for you to show just how much I appreciate you.  Muah!
  • For the last 11 months of Facebook being Elf on the Shelf photo free.  Oh how I'm going to miss those 11 months for the next 33 days.  
  • For dirty texts in the middle of the workday that make me blush and forget what I was doing prior to receiving them.  
  • For appreciating life more and more every day and having a much more positive outlook on life in general.  Most of this is because I moved from FL, some of this is because I am now in IN.  But a lot of this is because I have finally learned to let shit go, to take a deep breath, and know that most shit in life doesn't really matter at the end of the day.  
  • For technology and social media for allowing me to stay in touch and get back in touch with so many people from around the country that I otherwise would have drifted apart from. 
  • For all of you who read my blog and comment and ask me when my next post is going to be because I've been slacking lately.  I appreciate you taking time out of your lives to read whatever sarcastic post  about meaningless crap I've written and for telling me about how one of my projects inspired you to do your own project (the Christmas Santa wreath is now in 6 other states that I know of!). 
  • For all of the things that I'm forgetting I'm thankful for right now.  
  • And last but not least, for stretchy pants.  Those two plates are starting to settle in. I may actually be rubbing my belly as I type one handed.  
Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving with family and friends and that you also have a list of things to be thankful for this year. And on that note........

        
Love you!

P.S. Guess who just broke 10,000 page views BITCHES!!!  Thank you Craig (even though your wife called me a stupid whore)!!!

Sunday, November 11, 2012

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like......

Well hello, bitches!  I'm cranky and tired so bear (bare?) with me.  This weekend was my 3rd weekend of high school marching band competitions and it ran for three days.  Is there anything more awesome than that?  Queue crankiness.  My head is still pounding.  Talk about a LOOOOOOONG three days.  The good news is that we didn't have a Colts game today so I was a lil bit lazy.  Although......

Miss Beth was in town!  My sister from another mister drove all the way down from Wisconsin to see me!!  Well not just me.  But I'll damn well act like it was all about me!  So I was up and at it at about 10am.  Not my idea of sleeping in at all.  Especially since I've been at work around 6am and leaving around 11pm  since Thursday.  But she's worth it.  After she texted asking when she could come over, I begrudgingly got out of my warm bed, ran downstairs and cleaned the dishes that had been in my sink since last week NOT EVEN KIDDING  and ran back upstairs to shower.

After I showed her the new things that I've done in the house since she was last here, we headed out for a yummy lunch.  We headed over to my favorite Mexican restaurant and if it wasn't a damn Sunday- I would have had a margarita.  Stupid Indiana.  The waiter actually looked at his watch when I tried ordering it- like, "Damn chica, es no even noon."  Pero, I was thirsty.  How was that Spanglish for all you Gringos?

Monday, October 15, 2012

Oooooh Spooky!

Wow I can't believe that it's been like a month since I last posted.  Hey cunts!  How cute was that panda?  I had a visit from one of my besties from FL since my last post.  One of the things he said aside from how damn hilarious I am and how Florida is just not the same without me there (OK I added that one in there) is that he always knows when I'm busy because I'm not posting anything new.  Well, believe me- I have been BUSY!  We are well into our season and have had a least 1 event each weekend if not on Friday, Saturday, AND Sunday.  Crazy busy.  But the good news is that I still love the job.  It hasn't made me a miserable bitch yet like all of the others.  Miami, what???   It's just been a little difficult to do some home projects when I've only got a couple hours a night to get in the rest of the house chores and grocery shopping done.  And shit, most nights I'm not even doing that.  MY HOUSE IS A HOT MESS.  But I was in the decorating mood recently and needed to get a little creative because my number and spreadsheet making side was starting to take over.  Pretty soon I'm going to be sporting a pocket protector for all of my nerdiness.  Anyway- on to my fun and easy projects.

So we all know how much I hate the holidays.  Christmas being my numero uno. Bahhh humbug.  However, Halloween comes in a close second.  I love decorating my house with fall things.  I have all types of pumpkins in all of the pretty fall colors. But I don't really have much for decor in the ghost and goblin department.  And to be honest- I am totally fine with that.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Easy Peasy Weekend Project!

Today was a lazy day for me.  I had a 13 hour work day yesterday with 4 high school football games.  Super fun, let me tell you!  So today was my chore day- although I didn't really get to the chore part of it.  Woops.  My bad.  I did however, watch some football.  YAY!!  Super excited for the season to start.  And although I didn't get to watch the Patriots- my future baby daddy scored a touchdown!  So I'll be sure to show him my appreciation when he comes home tonight.  HAH.

I would like to thank the Chavez's all the way down in Texas for keeping me informed of the goings on of the game though.  Isn't that ironic?  My friends in Dallas were able to watch the game but I couldn't. UGH. Miss Kim had me all nervous when Brady got hurt though.  Took a few minutes to hear if all was OK in Tommyland but she sent another message that life was all good.  I could drink breathe easily from there on out . We got one win in the bag and I stayed alive in our work Survivor League.  I picked Houston for this week and they blew away the Dolphins!  Sweet.

On Friday I left work early to shop.  Seriously.  I headed over to Target to "look" and one hundred forty fucking five dollars later....... I had some pretty awesome things in my cart.  LOTS of clearance items!  This hooker loves her some clearance.  I picked up quite a few things for grilling and a couple metal planter boxes which are super cute.  I also grabbed these:


What would I need 3 yellow cloth napkins for, you ask?  Since my dining room is cream, blue, brown and orange?  What was I thinking?   Oh I know!  Four cloth napkins would equal to two pillows!  And two pillow covers for $4.98 is a flippin steal!  I have some extra pillows lying around the house that aren't in use so I decided to use them for the inserts.  I didn't have any that were 20 X 20 but I think I can make it work. So after I mowed the lawn this morning I pulled out the sewing machine.

I decided that I wanted to be able to easily remove the cover so I didn't want it sewn on all 4 sides.  So after I ironed them to get rid of the creases, I cut two of the napkins in half and left the other two as is.  I did a quick seam on the cut sides and started making the pillow cover.


I kept the print side on the inside while I went around the outside edges.  Here is one side done.


And here are both sides done.


And here it is with the pillow tucked inside.


I ran upstairs to see how it'd look in the yellow and gray room.  What do you think?





I don't know about you- but I fucking LOVE it.  Time to get the second one done!  I love quick and easy projects!  Hope you all had a great weekend!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

If You Really Knew Me, You'd Know That....

~ My favorite color is clear
~ I write left handed
~ I prefer to call my hair ombre after two months of not dying it when in reality it's straight up white trash roots
~ I HATE talking about politics (and those who do in front of me)
~ I listen to pretty much all types of music minus polka and death metal and the only time I'm not listening to music is when I'm sleeping
~ I will forever speak my mind even if it hurts your feelings
~ I wear some form of Patriots colors on Sundays at Colts games
~ I have a slight obsession with my boobs
~ I don't drink coffee unless it's a large iced vanilla from D & D
~ I hate chocolate (unless it's a York peppermint patty, Snickers, Twix or peanut M & M's)
~ I make the best carrot cake ever. I'm not lying.
~ You only get one shot with me and if you ruin it we are done
~ My favorite movie is The Sweetest Thing (Fuck Grandma) although for a long time it was Love Jones
~ My only goal in life is to make people laugh
~ I love me some fruity beer
~ I would love to have children some day (OK, Mom?) but I refuse to physically HAVE children.  These hips are wide enough bitches!
~ I fucking LOVE to swear
~ When someone pisses me off I tell them to suck my left tit (while grabbing it)- including bosses
~ I watch Pretty Little Liars and Gossip Girl and I'm not ashamed to admit it.  Well, while we're on it I also love Britney Spears
~ I get very annoyed very easily and you know exactly when that happens
~ I don't have any tattoos and I'm totally fine with that
~ I love amusement park rides but get WICKED FUCKING motion sick riding them to the point that I tend to vomit or at least turn a really gross shade of green
~ I love being inappropriate at the most inopportune times
~ I don't half-ass anything
~ I'm obsessed with a clean house but tend to never put my clothes away
~ I will watch any and all movies or tv shows having to do with cheerleading or dance
~ I make lists for everything.
~ I sing going up and down the aisles in the grocery store.  Loud.
~ I'm fucking awesome.

So what should I know about YOU?

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Feeling The Blues


I wanted to call this post “It’s About Frickin Time You Got Started On This” since I’ve been telling you all about my plans about it for what seems like an eternity. Or maybe I’ve been telling it to myself? Sometimes I can’t remember if the stories are just ones I have with myself in my head or if I’ve actually had conversations with others. Not that I’m nuts or anything. I swear. Well earlier this week I finally started it. Let’s be honest- it was mostly because the shit was just lying around my house causing me to go bat shit crazy a huge mess on my dining table.

I previously talked about how I had family in town at the end of July. One of the things that they asked before they left home was did I need them to bring me anything from there. I immediately thought of those two poor lonely curtain panels that I left there at Christmas time. My mom hadn’t planned on using them and I was looking for a pair for my upstairs living room since I had just decided on the navy theme and couldn’t find anything here that I liked. So I stole them from her. Thanks Mom! But stupidly only took 2 panels and left the other set there.

The more I got thinking about recovering my chaise lounge that's upstairs and calculating the cost of new fabric for said lounge- the more I cringed. No not really. But since I had just added 3 more colors to the freshly painted room, I didn’t want anything too crazy pattern-wise and wanted it to be all matchy matchy with everything else that was up there and we all know how picky I am so I knew it’d take me for-eva to find something that I actually liked. And then it dawned on me. DUH! Why not use the same fabric as the curtains to recover the chaise? Cough cough plus it’d be free cough cough.  So I asked my uncle to stop at my mom’s to pick them up for me along with my teal poinsettia’s that I got for a steal after the holiday at Michael’s which I plan on using for a crafty little project closer to the end of the year- stay tuned!

Well the family left Indy on July 29th and everything they brought has sat on the dining table since then. Bad Kristi. I threw the curtains into the wash last weekend and finally brought them upstairs and laid them across the chaise to see how it would look. And not surprisingly I LOVED IT! So of course walking by it for a couple of days got me itching to start and finish the job.

Here is what the chaise looked like before I started.  

Monday, August 20, 2012

Some Happenings Up In Here

Wow.  I took a little bit of a hiatus, didn't I?  It's been a rough couple of weekends.  I've actually had to work more than Mon-Fri 9-5.  Fucking ridiculous if you ask me.

One good thing about having my busy season start  was that some of my favorite people were in town for one of them.  I got to spend some much needed time with my Sister from another Mister.  LOVE HER!  We have determined that she needs to move here STAT.  Screw those teenage kids of hers.  I'm way more important.  Just kidding, Beth.  Not really.  I also was able to hang drink lots with my home girl, Kim!! Love getting to see her and we had a good night chatting away.  Definitely miss her and her hubby now that they've moved to TX.  Boo.

Now that I've gotten busy at work I've also decided to tackle some smaller projects in the house.  First up was doing something with my front entry way.  Some of you might have seen the reveal on my FB page.  if so, tough shit you're going to see it again.

I picked up 8 pots of mums for $1.88 each- 4 yellow and 4 lavender.  The entry way looked like this before.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

And The Gold Medal Goes To....

OMG first can we just talk about how obsessed with the Olympics I am?  Are you guys too?  I don't know what it is about them but I'm hooked.  All day every day- glued to the TV.  I mean we all watch the obvious sports.  But me?  Canoeing?  Absolutely. Fencing?  Sure thing.  Hand ball?  Just for the name itself, you KNOW I'm watching that shit.  I'm just fascinated by these athletes.  I have to say that this time around my favorite ones to watch are the water sports- swimming and diving.  Good lord those guy have sick bodies.  Sick!  I cannot confirm or deny that I have fantasies about their abs.  Talk about 50 Shades of Six Packs.  Oooooooohhhhhweeeeeee!

But back to the point of the story.  If they had an amateur sport of light changing- I'm pretty sure that I'd kick ass.  Not only did I change out my dining and kitchen lights to ones I made myself but I also changed my bathrooms vanity lights recently.  This time around was the light outside in my screened in porch.  The one that is out there is hideous.  Muy cheapo.  As in when I was looking for lights in Lowe's the one that I currently have is listed for $4.97.  No lie.  See the below shots.  Hideous, right?  And way too small.




Well last week I had some family in town and while they were here we went all over the place shopping.  While they were browsing around I headed over to the outdoor lighting area.  And I found exactly what I was looking for.  I set two goals for myself when buying a new light for this area.  It had to be the right size and had to be inexpensive.  My standard for "inexpensive" was not for it to be cheap like under $5 like the one before.  But I definitely didn't want to pay $50 for it either.  Which I could definitely have done with all of the pretty lights that were there.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

My Humps... My Lovely Lady Lumps

I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,  Get you love drunk off my hump.  My hump, my hump, my hump.  My lovely lady lumps.  Check it out!


God- there's nothing like a little song about my big fat ass.  Wait- that's not about me?  Says who?  Are you asking yourself why I'm getting all Fergielicious on you?  Well.... check it out!


So it's been a running joke in my house for ever.  Can you see a different in the two couches below?  (Aside from the different brown pillows)





Do you see it?  They are the exact same couch, purchased and delivered at the same time.  One of them gets a little more wear than the other.  Can you see it yet?  Let me help you out.

Organizing My Drawers...Not THOSE Drawers!!

Another project that I got to doin on Friday was one that I've been wanting to do since I moved into the house.  Three years ago.  Lazy much?  If you all don't know this about me by now (I mean, where the hell have you been??)- I love me some organization.  Like- I love it so much that if organization was a hot, sexy man, I would marry it in a second. Even if it had a lisp.

So after pinning the below picture on Pinterest a very long time ago, I figured it's about time to get on that shit.


When I headed to Lowe's for the copper pieces needed for the outdoor mason jar oil burners I also checked out the wood (that's what she said) aisle.  I picked up 6 pieces of poplar 3/8 X 3 X 36 that were $2.41 a piece.  I probably could have bought a couple of 8 ft boards for cheaper but mama wasn't thinking.  I was on a mission.

{yes, I know assholes, there are only 3 there}

I started out with these hot messes.  

DIY Mason Jar Oil Burner

I had an impromptu day off of work on Friday so that was pretty unexpected.  Hell yeah!  My new garage freezer was delivered which I am totally excited about!  Oh I did not tell you about my new freezer purchase yet?  My bad!

I finally bit the bullet and went and purchased one a couple of weekends ago.  I've been eyeing one for a while now but kept waiting for it to go on-sale.  It has- a few times- but I was waiting to see if it would go lower on-sale.  It hasn't.  It was originally $649 and shockingly after shopping around to all of the big box home stores- the cheapest was at Best Buy.  I bought it during the 4th of July savings event so it was on-sale for $552.  They were also running a special that if you used your Best Buy card- you'd save an additional 5% off plus have free financing for 18 months.  Showing a little boob got me free shipping and free haul away (a combined cost of $90) so for the grand total I paid $527.  Not bad.  It ends up being about $30 a month that I will be paying.  Not bad at all.  Delivery was supposed to be between 10:30am and 12:30pm yesterday and they showed up at 10am and were done within 15 minutes.  Super nice guys.  Here is what I had going on before:


And here is what I have now!!!

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Getting All Artsy Fartsy In This Hizzouse.

This weekend I've done a little art project for the upstairs living room.  OMG.  Funny story about one of the last art projects I did.  Scene:  middle school art class and I was a defiant teenager.  Shocking- I know.  Can you see where this is going?  I absolutely hated our art teacher.  She was making us paint these stupid ceramic figures and kept harassing me about mine and how it wasn't good enough.  It was a clown.  How fucking bad can you paint a damn clown and have it not be good enough?  Really?  So the defiant side of me decided that I was going to paint the entire clown black and then paint it's eyes red.  Sort of a satanic-evil clown.  It was my way of saying fuck you to her.  Needless to say I found it to be AWESOME.  Ms. Senecal, however, did not.  Therefore off to the principals office I went.  I know you will all be surprised about this- but I had my own chair in this office.  Ready and waiting for me at any moment.  I was in that office at LEAST 3 to 4 times a week.  The secretary and I became besties.  I may or may not have been a terror growing up.  That's what happens when you are too smart and get bored.  You fuck with people.

Anywhooooo- thanks for the stroll down memory lane but back to the project at hand.  The last time we left off at this room I was still unsure of the color scheme but had painted the tv stand navy blue and scored some free curtains from my mamacita.


Well I don't believe that I shared with you all that I had painted the entire upstairs again.  So now instead of it being the greenish color that it was, it went gray!!

Monday, June 25, 2012

What's Up, Hook(ers)!!!!

There will be no mention of gardens, flowers, or bushes in this post.  Say whaaaaaaaat?  It's really going to take a LOT for me to hold back because I've got some new ones and planted a few since the last post.  BUT- I pinky swear.  I will not mention them again.  If I do, you can bend me over your knee and slap my butt.  Wait- that's a totally different post. 

So I've been lacking in the home projects for quite some time as you might have been able to tell.  I'm seriously itching to find something to paint or demo or sand or stain.  I've literally found at least 4 pieces on that list by Craig and they've fallen through.  Whomp whomp.  Very disappointing but it is what it is.  When the right piece comes to me I will be able to love it all the more.  But for the time being it's seriously pissing me the fuck off.

While I've been lacking in finding the right pieces for the house, I've also spent a lot of time out of the house since it's been such nice weather.  We have literally every weekend been having bbq's or get togethers at friends houses.  It's been really nice to sit outside and just chill the fuck out.  And in all honesty it's times like these that I'll remember much more than the 8 hours I spent in my garage sanding a piece of furniture.  I can do that in the winter when no one wants to come out and play.  My friends here are awesome.  We always have such a great time with each other. This past weekend I was home for like 4 hours it felt like.  Which is a good thing.  If we weren't out shopping and walking around- we were going out to dinner or chilling on a patio.    


Anyway- back to projects.  The other day after work I stopped at Lowe's to pick up some things that shall not be mentioned and headed inside for a rain gutter extension.  While I was there I also went to price out pegboard.  Since my garage is fixed AFTER A DAMN YEAR!!!! and re-drywalled I can FINALLY start getting my tools organized and out of my pantry.   They had 4 X 4 pieces already cut for like $8 so I tossed one on top of my cart.  And yes, I was that asshole knocking things all over the place going down the aisles because my cart was now 4 feet wide.  Whatever.  Maybe they shouldn't have that shit in the back corner of the store.  Or maybe I should have gotten a stand up cart for it.  My bad.  I found it entertaining.  I'm sure the guys watching the security camera were seeing the twinkle in my eyes when I whizzed down an aisle with boxes of things in the way.    Hit it or don't hit it?  POW!  20 POINTS!!  Score, bitches!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

More Flowers and Some More Flowers....

So I just can't help myself.  I've gone and gotten more flowers.  And then some more.  And today I also got some more.  OMG it's a disease!!  I can't stop!!!

Before yesterday I had 4 lilac bushes, 2 hydrangea bushes, 4 pots of salvia, 5 Samur calla lily pots and 2 Serrada calla lily pots to plant.  ONLY those.  But let's start out with the calla lilies.  I stopped at Lowe's to get more garden soil and saw the calla lilies on clearance.  The Serrada ones were originally $18.98 and the Samur ones were $11.98.  Guess what I got them for?  You want to be blown away?  THREE DOLLARS EACH!  Booya!



After spending the day trying to figure out where I could put them since they only require a few hours of sun, I decided to put them on the same side of the house as the red rose bushes and Columbine plants.  So yesterday when I got home I started digging.  The area that I'm referring to is tot eh right of the air conditioner in the below picture.


Before long this is what it looked like.



And not long after that it was really coming along.



Well today I stopped at Wal-Mart after work to pick up a few more bags of  mulch and saw that their flowers were all at least 50% off.  Shut up!  So you KNOW this mama had to just take a little looksey.

And by looksey- these somehow ended up in my cart!  What?



So here is the breakdown.

{4 Balloon flowers for $1.61 each}

{2 Butterfly Bushes for $3.83 each}

{2 Garden Phlox for $1.61 each}

{2 Penstemon blue riding hood for $2.88 each}

{And 4 of these badboys!  Alcea for $3.83 each}

I planted the 4 Balloon flowers in front of the calla lilies tonight when I got home.  This is what it looks like now after putting them into the ground and adding some mulch around it. 

  
The plan is to dig up a quarter circle around tot he rain gutter side and put one of the hydrangea bushes there since those are supposed to grow to about 4 ft around.  

The remainder of the plants are going to be split between the area on the other side of the house and up against the fence on the back side of my yard.  I just need to find about 7 extra hours each day to get them into the ground.  UGH.  

But it's going to be SOOOOOOO pretty when everything is in bloom!