Monday, December 12, 2011


I mentioned in the last post that I went shopping with Miss Wendy and picked out my birthday gift from my mamacita.  Man, do I love me some gift cards.  They are seriously the best gift anyone can get. HINT HINT- it's getting to be gift giving time.

I've actually been pricing these out at Lowe's and HD and they've been ridiculously expensive.  And I'm sure that this isn't top of the line by any means.  But I still wanted it. Plus its also the same brand as the fixtures already installed.

So here goes.  Lame ass shower before shot:

Don't mind the soap scum.  God I hate that shower.  It's so small.  Like I literally turn around and smack into a wall.  And that tile?  Ew.  Hate it.  When I finally have some decent money to spend, the bathroom is getting stripped of the cheapest tile in the world and getting a major upgrade.  But the thing that I'm referring to when I say "LAME" is the shower head.  The nozzle doesn't even move all the way up or down.  Hence the soap scum.  I can barely get the sides of the shower wet enough to scrub it.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Attempt At Christmas Wreath #2

Well this one came out a little bit more successful than the last one  seen here but I wouldn't say that I'm in luuuuuuuurv with it.

I got home from a LONG ass work week this afternoon and called up Miss Wendy to be my shopping buddy.  I stopped first at Goodwill in search of a XXL men's cable knit sweater which they had ONE and I snatched that bitch up before the smelly lady next to me could!  It cost all of $4.59- breaking the bank here people.  Although I did feel bad that some Blob of a man might be shivering with his cold man boobs this winter because I took the one and only and planned on cutting it to pieces.  I then went over to Wendy's house to pick her up.  We headed over to Michael's and Bed Bath and Beyond where I had an idea in mind for my newest Christmas wreath.  I found some supplies all at 50% off (thank you Michael and your wonderful store full of crafty things).

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Blue Balls Anyone?

Today was my first day sleeping in in what feels like for-EVA.  For- eva-eva.  Ahhhh it was so nice to not roll over until after 11:30am.  I know all you guys with kids and pets say that your life is soooooooo fulfilled with said kids and pets and how can I not want/have them?  Well, I'll tell you what.  When is the last time YOU got to sleep in until 11:30am?  That's what I thought.  Remember that next time you ask me when I'm going to get me some brats.

So when I FINALLY dragged my ass out of bed and went downstairs I got a little itch for being crafty.  I had been cutting out pics from magazine and seeing different pictures on Pinterest lately of Christmas ball wreaths.  I really only have one wreath so far and it's got more of a fall vibe going on.  This is what I made last year.

Ooooh sooooo pretty.   As I was walking through the aisles the other day and the Xmas ornaments were ALREADY out (UGH) it got me to thinking. So I ran to Lowe's and Wallyworld to pick up some supplies and came home to get to it.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Devil Went Down To Georgia

HAHAHA.  Totally an inside joke.  But I bet I just gave a few people mild heart attacks thinking I was going to write a blog about someone when I swore I wouldn't!  HAH.  Give me a few more beers and maybe I will.  Since I'm evil and all.  You should feel bad for me and my evil self.

Anyway- I've been ridiculously busy with work lately.  We've had events like every weekend and it doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon.  We have a marching band competition (woo. hoo.) ALL DAY  tomorrow, ALL DAY Friday and ALL DAY Saturday.  Then another Colts game on Sunday.  So odds are I'm going to be Little Miss Sunshine Crankypants by the time Sunday rolls around.  But maybe that'll change when I get to watch Sunday night football!  Go Pats!

So it's been terribly windy here lately and we were having tornado warnings left and right.  Everyone here was informed to go to Lucas Oil Stadium  for safety because there would be no touchdowns there.  AHAHAHAHAHAH get it?  If not, find out where the Colts play. It'll come to you.  0-9 baby!

Monday, October 31, 2011

With A Little Bit of This and A Little Bit of That.

So I've been busting my BUTT with little things in the house this week.  I started out finishing up the TV stand.  I didn't like how it came out the first time with the old hardware.  It was an old brass that I didn't like so I painted it a brushed nickle.

The hardware just stuck out too much to me.  And the paint looked more fake silvery gray than it did brushed nickle.  So I took the hardware off again and went to my trusty old friend Oil Rubbed Bronze.  It's a sparkly chocolately deep brown metallic.  It's my go-to spray on all things ugly. I sprayed all of the fugly brass light fixtures when I first moved into the house with ORB.   This is what it looks like today.

Ahhhhh yes.  A little less obvious.  MUCH BETTER.  Now just need to do something with those gawd awful wires.

Then I finished up with the garage.  Last week it looked like this.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Change to the Blog

Hi Everyone!

Not sure if you noticed.  But I made a slight change to the blog a bit back.  I haven't shortened my enormously LONG and DRAWN OUT posts.  You aren't that lucky.  Sorryboutcha.  But I've put in a page break to most of the posts.  So you are getting the first couple of paragraphs of the blog and then you see "Continue reading this funniness."  You'll need to click that purple link and you'll get the entire post.  Its kind of hidden at the bottom so if you haven't seen it it's not because you are blind.  Or going blind.  You just might need a slight change in your prescription.  Just sayin.  So anyway- enjoy your weekend and finish reading the rest of the posts.

You didn't realize that I wasn't done after the first two paragraphs?  Silly you.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Argh! Argh! Argh!

Ok readers.  We are about to get butch.  Very butch.  Like crack open a brewsky.  Scratch your balls.  Smelly armpits butch.  Just call me Kristi "The Toolwoman" Armstrong.  Ha- get it?  The Home Improvement reference.  Argh! Argh! Argh!

Today I finally snapped.  My garage has been just dis-gust-ing.  Shit everywhere.  Dirt everywhere.  Spray paint dust everywhere.  Living and dead spiders everywhere.  I couldn't take it any longer.  I had a pile with a broom, weed whacker, rake, shop vac, shovel, etc. that were all tangled and falling over. I had water hose (haha I said hose) all over the place.  Tools and boxes and bags full of garage thingies just piled on top of each other.  There were still pieces of drywall and bricks and insulation spread out on the other side of the garage from when the workers destroyed the inside of the garage. So like I said- shit everywhere.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Feeling A Little BLUE?

What's up bitches?!?!?  FINALLY got that dresser/TV stand done for the upstairs living room!  I'm not sure if it is because I haven't painted anything a dark color yet or what.  But this color just WOULD NOT go on evenly.  At.  All.  I'm still not sure if I'm in love with the color yet either.  I mean, I love the actual color.  But I'm not sold on the color scheme of the room. Yet.  Although you guys chose it unanimously. Douchebags.  So it's all your fault.  I have to say that I'm actually pretty shocked that none of you chose hot pink.

I think the reason that I'm hesitating with the blue (Midnight Blue to be exact) is because not everything in the room is changed out yet- like the curtains and the rug need to go away to be replaced with deep thick dark blue curtains and maybe a cream shag? I also need to organize those bookcases now that I've officially started utilizing the room and finishing it like the rest of the house instead of just throwing things in there and closing my eyes as I leave my bedroom every morning silently saying "I can't see you.  I can't see you."

Sunday, October 23, 2011

And a Happy Birthday To ME!!!!!

Oh.  WHAT a day I had.  Such an amazing group of friends spent the day with me to celebrate my birthday.  Well- technically they probably just hung out with me since we were getting massages but I'll totally pretend IT WAS ALL ABOUT ME.

Let me just talk about this massage place.  It's on the north side of Indy (for all you Indy peeps)- called Foot Finesse. However, it's not all about your feet. It's an hour long full body massage and it's only $25.  And if you are lucky (like Miss Judy) you get a little Asian man short enough to lean over you and rest his balls on your forehead.  Oh yes.  You read that right.  I personally think that she should have had to pay more for that service.  But seriously?  It was MY birthday.  I didn't get balls on MY forehead.  I kind of feel jipped.  Just sayin.  She also got a little bit more action than the rest of us when she explained how he had moved one leg to the side and then move the other leg to the other side.  A la spread eagle.  None of us got that.  Just her.  I'm pretty sure her guy was just staring at her cooch the entire time he was rubbing her feet.  And that's why HE got a $10 tip.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Chair ReDo = Quickest Project EVER!

Well I certainly didn't think that I'd get this project done quite so quickly.  But I was a girl on a mission.   This past Thursday I went to the local consignment store looking for a TV stand for the upstairs game room.  Not only did I find one but I also found this chair.

I walked by it twice.  Both times I thought to myself, "Self.  THAT would look totally cute if your house."  It was originally marked $60 but with the 25% off I paid $45 for it.  Score!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

New Projects! Are You As Excited As I Am??

Do you think that you shouldn't ever get a day off of work because when you do you just spend money?  Welcome to my world today. 

I haven't done a furniture project in a LONG time. And apparently my fingers were just itching for something to do!  Bwahhh hahaha.  While sitting on my couch this afternoon I got onto that list by Craig to see if there were any dressers that I could turn into a TV stand.  My TV upstairs in the game room has been residing on el flooro for the past two years and to be honest- it's starting to look a lil bit ghetto.  The thing is that with the book cases already up and in place with everything on them- I am limited to the space in between them.  That space is 46 inches.

Do you want to know how sad this little TV is?  This photo was taken the second week in my house.  More than two years ago.  That is why there are no books or end tables yet.  And see where the TV is?  That's where she's been this entire time.  But I just couldn't fathom spending money on something just to have something there because it would be a waste of money and I wouldn't be happy with it.  So I've looked and looked and haven't been able to find anything.  I realized that if I broadened my search from something that didn't fit into the space I could bring the TV stand that is downstairs up to that space and then I could find something much larger and ornate for downstairs.  The one down there now is just a plain dark wood entertainment stand- nothing fancy.

Monday, September 26, 2011

When It Rains, It Pours.....Into My Garage

YAY!  Good times. 

So I had my two year home inspection a couple of weeks ago.  You know what that means?  MY HOUSE IS 2 YEARS OLD!  Shut the front door!  That also means that there are two years worth of problems to fix because they are still under warranty.  After this, everything is on MY DIME.  Yowsa!

Since I've been spending quite a bit of time in my garage lately, I've noticed a couple spots of mold on the walls.  Unfortunately I didn't grab any photos of that before hand, but let me tell you- it was MOLDY.  Big moldy spots the size of basketballs.  Thank god I was breathing THAT in for lord only knows how long.

Well the drywall guy came the other day, thinking that it wasn't too big of a deal, just a patch and repair- cut it out and be done with it.  Little did he know.....


Who Doesn't Love a Little Animal Print?

Well hello there.  I'd like to introduce myself.  I'm Kristi.  And you are?  HAHA. 

I feel like I haven't written in weeks!  That's probably because I haven't.  I've been ridiculously busy.  We've had events every weekend since the middle of August so my mind hasn't been on blogging (never mind on doing projects).  But this past weekend that changed!  Woo hoo- guess who's baccccccckkkkkkk????

Sunday, September 11, 2011

We Will Never Forget

Like all of you, I remember exactly where I was when word spread of the terrorist attacks.  I was at college in Miami, finishing one class and going into another.  People were everywhere, crying and hugging each other as I walked out of the classroom.  My next teacher canceled class and told us to go to our dormrooms.  At that point- the reality of what was happening had not set in as it was still unknown what was really going on.  Back in my dorm, my roommate Melissa and I stood there staring at the TV.  I don't remember if we watched the plane hitting the second tower live or if it was already being replayed at this point as almost everything from that day is fuzzy.  We watched that TV for hours and if we said anything it was just "Oh my god.  Oh my god." over and over again. 

Many of our friends from school were from NY and seeing and hearing them try to get in touch with their family and friends was heartbreaking.   As we watched both towers crumbling to the ground, time seemed to stand still.  I remember calling my family letting them know that I was OK and making sure that they were as well. 

Much later after the initial chaos slowed down a little bit, the reality of it all sank in.  I think for the first time in my life I was scared.  Really scared.  No one knew if anything else was going to happen.  Bombs?  Shootings?  Our college was pretty prepared for emergency situations like this as we had just recently gone through the Elian Gonzalez ordeal and we had guards all throughout our campus and we basically got locked in then.  So if anything, we felt a little bit more safe than other people.  But knowing that I couldn't get home if something else happened scared the shit out of me.  It would take me a day and a half to drive back to Massachusetts.  What happened if more attacks happened and I couldn't get there?  Or my family couldn't get to me?  It was at that point that I realized that after college I was moving back closer to home. 

I remember seeing nothing but blue skies with no planes flying in it.  For day.  Weeks.  It was such an eery thing as we were so used to seeing dozens of planes in the sky with the two major airports just miles from us. 

I remember seeing how people just came together, some strangers, being there for each other. 

I remember being so proud of our reaction as individuals and as a country. 

I remember President Bush and what he said in his address to the country and knowing that he was going to fight back and thanking God that I voted for him. 

And as I sit here in my house watching football, I remember the first game that the Dolphins played once the country started to go "back to normal."  I was on the field as I was currently a marketing intern there and they were playing the Bills.  That day the stadium did a special tribute and everyone in the stands had a sign to hold that was just a color block.  Red, white or blue.  Throughout the sound system, the announcer did a speech, we had a moment of silence and before the game began, they played Lee Greenwood loud and with purpose.  As I stood there on that field, the crowd started singing along and raised their sign and the entire stadium became an American flag.  Hearing those 60,000+ fans all singing together was one of the most emotional experiences in my life.  Everyone had tears in the eyes and smiles on their faces.  Because we all knew that we would make it through this tragedy but never forget.  Not for one minute.

Every year on this date, I turn my TV on and watch the news again, the replaying of the live coverage from that day and I remember.  Because those men and women who we lost that day deserve it.  The sadness that I feel is nothing compared to what these families go through every day, missing their loved one, suffering their absence.  I live every day humbled, thankful, appreciative for those who continue to fight for our country, our freedom so that we can live the wonderful lives that we live in the US. 

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Remember Me??

Did everyone have a nice, relaxing, holiday weekend? I know I did!! Well, only two of the days.

I worked a college football game on Saturday.  It was craaaaaaa-zaaaaaaaay!  We opened our ticket office at noon and the game started at 7pm.  Throughout the day we were steady busy but slow and then at 6pm we got slammed.  And not in a good way, o-kayyyyyyy?  We literally had about 5,500 people walk up to purchase their tickets in that one hour.  Not.  Fun.  We had to call in the troops and open up 8 more windows (from the 12 we already had).  The troops were people who have been trained to sell but really haven’t sold all that much (event managers, suite coordinators, interns, receptionists, etc.)… They were really good for being totally put on the spot and selling reserved seating and really bailed us out BIG TIME.  We got through all of the lines in about two hours but some people missed the first hour of the game.  But do you know what I have to say to that?  “Drunk kids- you started tailgating at noon.  You should have taken your beer and your burger for a little walk and purchased your ticket earlier.  Sorryboutcha.”  I was telling my mother the story and that was the first thing she said too.  “Why didn’t they purchase right when they got there?”  The best part was the farther into the evening it got, the drunker the kids were.  It was funny trying to get them to sign for their credit card receipt.  Their parents would be so proud.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Stay Away, Mo Fo!!!

Ok so you've probably read about my salesman stalker either on FB or from this blog.  I got a phone call from my development letting me know that they were ordering No Soliciting signs for our three entrances. BUT- they wouldn't be here for about two weeks.  Boo. 

Anyways- I would've been fine with this except that since the lady called me back, the same douche bag has knocked on my door twice.  That I know of.  So I've taken it upon myself to put up my own sign on my door so that if he does knock on it again- I am justified by calling the cops on him.  Although, I would say ringing my bell over 20 times within the last few weeks would be grounds enough to call the cops. 

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Here We Go. Here We Go. Here We Go Again.

So I shamelessly invited Miss Wendy and Jon over for dinner tonight because I needed some manly muscle to assist me in moving my fabulous dining table from my garage back into my dining room.  Because you know why?  I finally FINALLY finished that heavy, ugly bitch. 

As a reminder for those of you who don't memorize my every word.  I bought this dining set for $70 off of a list by a guy named Craig.  I ONLY wanted the chairs but the guy threw in the table as well.  So I told him that if it fit in my car, I'd take it too.  Well it did.  And luckily, Wendy and I didn't need to use the knives in our purses.  Or our hidden cell phones.  Nor did we get locked up in a basement and chained to the walls.  Anyhoo.....

You Can Ring My Bell...... Ring My Bell

Ok so I’m going to do a little bit of venting today. Shocking, I know. But I’m so aggravated.

I’ll start out with the fact that I don’t normally sit home all day waiting for my door bell to ring. But when I am home for some odd reason (especially during the week), my door bell rings about 10 times a day. On the weekends, it’s sporadic but I still get a few a month. I wouldn’t mind if it was all friends or dessert companies offering free samples. But it’s not.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Come On Irene.... I Mean- Go Away Irene!

Believe me, I am no Weather Woman. Wonder Woman, yes. But meteorologist- absolutely not. But after I’ve read some of the statuses on FB today about the hurricane coming towards Massachusetts, I thought that I might be able to break it down a little bit for you all who have never experienced a storm like this.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Way Too Much Stuff To Talk About....

...that I don't even know where to begin.  Seriously, I've had some of my besties at my house the last couple of weeks.  We had a serious tragedy here in Indianapolis.  Bachelor Pad started.  And a reality whore got married.  Which one do we not care about????  Ummmmm.... tick... tock....tick.....tock..... Clearly the big bootied ho!!!!!!!!  But you know I'm going to talk about her anyway. 

Seriously.  WHAT is that girl (or family for that matter) famous for?  She had a sex tape.  She was bff's with another skanky reality star.  She dated black men.  Shit- with that resume, I SHOULD BE FAMOUS!  Just kidding, parentals.  No sex tape here.  That I know of.  Every time I turn the TV on, one of her "shows" is on.  I can't STAND it.  But an $18 million paycheck for getting married?  Maybe the government should go to the Kardashians for advice on how to make bank.  Because they seem to have the right formula right now.  Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.  And I'm not quite sure why she dumped Reggie Bush for Chris Humphries.  Is it just me or does he have a little Touch Of Downs fugliness going on?  Sooooo not cute.  I think he's just along for the ride.  Or.  He.  No.  Understand.  What.  He.  Doing.  Like a little puppydog.  Following her around, sniffing her ass.  Either that or he knows the NBA season isn't happening and that's how he plans on keeping his wallet full these days. 

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Oh No He Didn't.......

I’ve got a lot of catching up to do here people.   This past Saturday was a great time!   I had gotten tickets for Cirque Du Soleil- Dralion a while back.   So Kim, Wendy, Erin and I headed out for a nice dinner downtown and then went to the show.
We went to Tavern on South which I’ve been to before for lunch as it is right next to the stadium.   It’s a really nice atmosphere in an old brick abandoned building that is set back from all of the downtown hustle and bustle.   In other words- people don’t really know about it yet so it’s not so busy.   Which is usually a good thing when it comes to me and restaurants since I’m usually loud and obnoxious and probably ruining other people’s fine dining experience.   My bad. 

Kim met the three of us there since she lives in Ohio and we don’t.   So the three of us drove from the West Siiiiiiiiiiiiide and got there at about 5:30pm.   Kim got there first so when she got the the hostess stand the guy was all, “Do you have a reservation?”  To which Kim said she didn’t think so but check under my name.   She got a little nervous with it being downtown on a Saturday night- maybe they wouldn’t have availability for us.   Well he brings her upstairs to an EMPTY restaurant.   Ummm, really?   Do you have a reservation?   Do we NEED a reservation- obviously not.   Genius who thinks he’s way more important than he really is.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Not Much Going On Here....At. All.

Ok. So HOW THE HELL did I not realize that last week’s episode of Biggest Fatty Ever was the season finale? It was soooooooo not worthy of a finale one bit.   I was so excited for the Bachelorette to end this week so we could get to the fatties and then I realized that the damn show was going on for like four and a half hours (seriously).   Enough with extending a shows finale like that- especially when the girl was as boring as she was.   If you don’t have enough content, don’t force us to watch 25 minutes of a stupid new game show about hiding money from the cops.   If I wanted to watch crap TV- I would on my own.  Clearly.   Just don’t force it down my throat.  

Oh and since I referenced The Bachelorette- how about Ben’s reaction to getting dumped on national television!   This entire season he’s been way too much of a pussy to me.   He’s got this girly quality about him that just rubs me the wrong way.   I already knew that she didn’t pick him in the end but I NEVER expected that he’d get so angry.   It!   Was!   AWESOME!   He somehow grew a huge set of balls in about .3 seconds and let Ashley have it.   His reaction is the exact reason why I watch crappy reality television.   Pure entertainment.   Priceless.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels

Ok first let me start off with a little disclaimer because I don't want any of your hate mail.  Well, actually I love love LOVE hate mail.   But before you go and judge me, understand this.  I feel that it is completely acceptable to make fun of a certain group of people as long as you have been or are a part of that group.  So for instance, I make fun of blondes.  I rag on band geeks.  I judge other dancers.  I also thoroughly enjoy making fun of fat people.  Because let's face it.  I too am a fatty.  I have not been "thin" since I was in the first grade.  It's a fact.  I haven't been in a single number sized pair of pants in probably 20 years.  I've always been the bigger girl out of all my groups of friends because I make them look better, so you're welcome.  While I'm not exactly OK with that,  I've grown used to it.  So with that being said- since I too am a fatty- I feel that I can make fun of other fatties.  Comprende?

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Things That Annoy The Shit Out Of Me..... On Facebook

Ok.  This is a new twist on a old thing.  Hope you enjoy. 
  • Bitching.  Seriously people.  I don't care about your problems and neither do the rest of your friends.  If I've said it once, I'll say it again.  IT'S A SOCIAL NETWORK.  That means for fun or entertainment.  Not a FUN SPONGE NETWORK.  Go join Google + if all you do is bitch.   
  • Statuses (status's?  statusi?  Status'?) that leave you guessing.  If I have to think about what you mean, I've already spent more time on you than I would like.  Don't leave us in limbo.  Clearly we are thinking the worst.  Or at least I am.  (It's way more entertaining that way)  If you have the guts to put it (albeit very vaguely) on your page- just spit it out.  If not, don't bother us with your drama.
  • Charities.  I feel like you only like a charity because it seems cool.  Do you donate money or your time to this charity outside of Facebook or just "like" it cuz one of your friends did?  Because based on the number of pages that you "like" it makes your "like" of the charity seem insignificant.  Especially when its listed right next to your like of Tide laundry detergent and The Kardashians. 
  • Having my news feed FULL of the stupid games that you play.  Seriously- if you have that much time on your hands, get a job.  Or a second job.   Or a hobby (one that isn't playing games on FB).  I've been able to hide most peoples status updates in my news feed (you'd honestly be surprised at how many people I've blocked from my news feed) but unfortunately my Blackberry doesn't do the same.  Damn Blackberry. 
  • Sonogram pictures.  Please don't force me to look at your innards.  While I might be happy that you are expecting, I definitely don't need to see your black and white blob up close and personal.  Now I just LOVE actual baby pictures though.  So I'm not anti-kids photos. Just anti-fetus pictures. 
  • Friends that put WAY TOO MUCH personal information on their pages.  It is a social network.  Not a "Woah is me.  Feel bad for me" network.  Save your drama for your mama.  I don't need to know that you and your spouse are fighting.  Or your friend betrayed you.  Or you have a headache. 
  • Serial daters.  If you change your relationship status as much as you hopefully change your underwear, you might want to rethink using that option.  How can one go from In A Relationship, Married, Separated, Divorced, Single, In A Relationship, In Limbo, Rethinking My Divorce, and Confused all in one week?  It's ridiculous.  Either you are the dirty whore that I've always thought you were or you are just an attention seeker. 
  • Inappropriate pictures.  You all know what I'm talking about.  Everyone has that friend.  Because while you might think that you have a rockin bod, not everyone else feels that way.  I don't want to see your saggy flabby ass all over my news feed.  KTHXBYE.    
  • "Vote for my....." requests over and over again.  If I didn't vote the first time you asked- it probably means that I won't vote for it the 2nd or 3rd time either.    (And this is no way the same as me harassing you to like my Girl With The Pink Toolbelt page over and over.  Not one bit.  By the way- have you liked it yet?)  My page is funny and I will totally amuse the shit out of you.  Your kid isn't Baby Gap's Adorable Child of the Year.  He's just not.  No matter how many times I do or don't vote for your ugly kid- its not me who decides.  It the Baby Gap.  And have you seen the babies they use?  Adorable.  Nothing like your kid.  Sorry.   But its the truth. 
  • Tagging me in a photo without my permission.  Which leads me to untag myself.  Then you go and tag me again.  I don't need that many pictures of my double chin on the Internet.  STOP tagging it.  It's almost at the point where it needs it's own Fan page. 

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Organizing My Messy Life Away!

Hi Ya'll!!! (I've turned country today, apparently)

Hope you are all having a fabulous start to your weekend!!  I had a great day today!  Fingers crossed that tomorrow is the same.  MAYBE I'll make it outside to get some sun.  Who knows.  It'll probably rain now that I've said that.  Damn Mother Nature.  She's such a bitch sometimes. 

Well I'm not sure if I've mentioned my master bath before.  But it's been ANNOYING THE SHIT out of me lately.  It's a very awkward space- in that there are too many things crammed into it with VERY little space for extra storage or shelving.  I've already painted it the color of the bedroom just because only craaaaaaaa-zay people can handle stark white rooms.  I swear- I'm allergic to them.  Eventually I'm going to work on the bathroom, adding tile and other fun expensive things in there.  So for the time being its just blah and boring (but painted). 

Monday, July 11, 2011

My Weekend Was Awesome, How Was Yours?

Well... aside from that poor excuse of a dining table.  Something that I FINALLY finished this weekend was the yellow dresser. Oh- you forgot about that did you? Or did you already think that I was done cuz I haven’t talked about it in months? If only you could be so lucky! Well I had everything done except for the top two drawers (remember the picture of my skivvies still in the drawers but the rest of my clothes on the floor??). yeah, those two were totally forgotten about.  Once I got my AWESOME bedroom furniture I brought those two drawers out into the garage and they sat there. And sat there. Well I finally got down to business drilling the new handle holes, filling the old holes, sanding them, and painting them this weekend as well. Hall. Lay. Lu. Ya. Now I can start cleaning the garage again since all of the projects this weekend involved dust, dirt, and grime. Fun times.

Oh Where Oh Where Has My Dining Table Gone?

Before I go into detail, I'm going to put up a few of the progress pictures.  I started sanding the table over the 4th of July weekend.  Here are some before shots and during the sanding phase shots. 

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Vacation For Your Vacation? Yes, please.

Seriously.  Does anyone else need another couple of days off to recover from their 4 day weekend?  Cuz I do!  Although I had so much fun that I won't complain at all about how tired that I am.  Lots of things happened this weekend.  YAY!  Got to see many many friends and eat TONS of food.  Delicious food. 

Friday night Wendy, Jon and I headed over to the south side (south siyyyyydddeee) for Miss Lauren's birthday gathering.  We went to this cool bar with the biggest patio I've ever seen.  There was live music, fun and cool people and the shittiest waitress I've ever come across.  Terrible.  The worst.  And I can say that with confidence and judge her like this because I was a waitress for a very VERY long time.  But we didn't let that ruin our great night. 

Thursday, June 30, 2011

It's The Simple Things In Life....

This is something that I was reminded of today.  Thank you for that Beth.  Cuz sometimes getting out of work early, throwing the top down and driving with the wind in your hair is better than any gift, possession, or tangible item you have.

With that being said-  Fuck that shit.  My fine hair would be a knotted mess within the first 30 seconds of it whipping flowing in the breeze.  And I'd probably choke on a bug singing along to the radio.  But the concept is the point.  So today I did the most simple of things to the house but they made a big change- at least to me.  Both are things that have annoyed me since I moved in.  Twenty-two months ago. 

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Obsess Much?

So I've been OBSESSING a lil bit on Pinterest.  What?  You don't know what that is?  Seriously?  Google that shit.  Basically its a forum, in a nutshell, where you can upload photos or tag- "pin" someone else's photos onto your own inspiration boards.  They have different categories of so many things.  It's really cool and I've heard that people plan their entire weddings off of Pinterest photos.  Talk about cool.

Anyways- I found this really cool picture the other day and I can't get it out of my MIND!  Like seriously- its stuck there.  With the four day weekend coming up, I figured that I would start to tackle the final piece of furniture in the house that needs to be finished.  The dreaded dining room table.  Dunt dunt duhhhhhh!  If you don't remember- here are some photos from the very beginning.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Incompetent, Party of One....

Your table is ready!

So lately I've been hearing lots (believe me- LOTS) of stories about different people in different positions and how they just have NO IDEA of how to do their job.  Not sure if its padding their resumes, faking interviews, sleeping with the boss, just wanting the job to flirt with an instructor..... WHATEVER it may be.  I've come across many of these kinds of people through my career and never understood it.  But one in particular has been bothering me lately so much so that I had to do something about it today.  What?  Me?  Stick my nose in someone else businazz?  Never!

I'm not quite sure what this persons deal is as I have yet to met him/her.  Can't wait, by the way.  Queue sarcasm  But I really don't know how this person (hereafter known as New Person) acquired the job that they are currently in.  I know who had the job prior to New Person (now known as Old Person).  And how much planning and organizing and structure and total awesomeness this job required.  I also know that Old Person literally handed it to New Person on a silver platter.  See that bling?  Yeah it was there for you to succeed.

Monday, June 20, 2011

A Little Under The Weather

Sorry for the long hiatus, people. I have been a little under the weather the last few days. And for someone who NEVER gets sick, this mama was SIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCKKKKKKKK on Friday. I’ll spare you the deets but let’s just say the contents of my stomach were removed in their entirety. Forcefully.  Empty.  Gone. 

But before we go in to how very little I didn’t do this weekend, let’s start back from Thursday. I was getting ready to go grocery shopping when my doorbell rang. So I hit the mute button on my TV and tip toed over to my door to see who it was (picture me pretending to not be home cuz who knows what jackass is at my door) and lo and behold it was Miss Wendy and Jon. And they came bearing gifts. Hells yes. Take note: If you want to stop over, you can anytime- just bring gifts. 

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Those White Bitches Are CRAZY!

Last Saturday our friend Jess came into town from Ft. Wayne and had a little bit of a birthday dinner. Wendy and I went up north to meet her and two of her friends, Tiffany and Alicia for dinner. Let me tell you, these girls are a HOOT. We always have a good time hanging out together. 

We met up at the Cheesecake Factory to have lots of drinks dinner and sat outside for a bit waiting for our table in the gorgeous weather. Apparently the party had started without us (what’s up with that?!) so the girls already had a couple of libations prior to arriving. You can only imagine how loud and hilarious we were being outside. In fact, one guy in a party across from us started chatting away with us- jumping into our conversation about a restaurant that had recently opened. 

Our buzzer went off (much to Jess’s liking-Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz) and we headed inside. Once we sat down, we had this CUUUUUTE waiter. Apparently he was confused as to the extra place setting and couldn’t wrap his head around it so we quickly started ragging on him. Next thing we know, we have “Michael” as our waiter. HELLO, Michael. Mama likey. 

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Don't You Just LOVE A Fabulous Day???

Well I had a fantastic day yesterday.  Like- the entire day was awesome.  Seriously awesome.

Started out meeting up with Wendy, Kim and Lauren for lunch and then we headed over to Midland Antiques, which is a big warehouse filled with all different kinds of "antiques."  I was a little bit disappointed because there wasn't a whole lot in there that I was interested in at all.  A lot of crap junk things I wasn't interested in if you ask me.  What's the phrase they say, "Ones persons junk is another persons treasure?"  Well, nothing in there was my treasure, that's for sure.  I was really looking for a couple pieces of furniture to re-do, one for the kitchen and one for the upstairs living room for the TV to sit on.  And YES, my TV is still sitting on the floor after almost 2 years.  Whatever.

There was one thing there that if it hasn't been $50, I totally would have gotten it.

Kind of weird but definitely interesting.  It's just a glass head.  But what was its purpose?  Did it hold wigs?  Did it sit on a shelf and stare at you?  Did someone put it on the pillow next to them so when they woke up, they had someone to talk to?  Hmmmmm.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Pay It Forward.

Happy Effin Friday!!!!  Seriously.  That sounds so good, I'm going to type it again.  Happy Effin Friday!!!!

I hope that all of you had a great week like I did.  Red Sox swept those boys in blue.  Bruins are tied- hopefully winning tonight.  Mavs won last night to go one up on the series.  I got out of work early again today.  I had dinner with two fantastically FABULOUS ladies tonight.  Yeah- I'd say it was pretty good.

With that positivity, I'm going to tell you a little story.  Hmmm I guess that's the point of a blog, right?  To say something?  I'm pretty sure that I've mentioned this before.  But here it is again.  I really am a nice person, no matter what anyone else chooses to believe.  Some people from my past will completely disagree with me on that one.  But I can guarantee you that if I was ever.....let's just say.... NOT nice to you, there must be a story behind why I was like that to you.  Just sayin.  There are always two sides to every bitch fight.

Anyway- I got to thinking the past week or so about the things that have got me where I am today and how I became the person that I am now.  One major thing is that along the way people have helped me out in one way or another.  But most notably is I've had a lot of people let me stay with them, in their homes, because I didn't have a place to stay.  Not so much that I didn't have a HOME or that I couldn't AFFORD a place, but at that time, in that place, I just needed a place to stay.  Does that make sense?

For instance, during a summer break in college I came home to Mass and realized that I really wanted to be back in Florida.  So I got back in my car, drove back down, and crashed in a friends hotel room for the night (THANK YOU ROGER!!).  The next night, I crashed at a co-workers apartment who barely knew me at the time (THANK YOU KAREY!!).  I ended up finally staying at Roger's house with his family while he was on a work-acation in Hawaii....for like the entire summer..... THANK YOU AGAIN ROGER!!!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Outdoors, schmoutdoors.

Those of you who have been obsessing over following my blog, know my dilemma with my back yard.  It's bare, ugly, sorta green- sorta brown, big, full of weeds, and fence-less. 

Well I've been hemming and hawing over dining furniture for out there.  I can't find something in my price range that I like.  I see all these Sunday ads with sales on sets, but when I go to look at them, they are MUCHO CHEAPO.  As in quality.  So it's kinda getting frustrating.  I don't want to spend a ton of money out there until I get a fence but I also don't want to waste the space away for another summer.

I have a screened porch that I purchased 2 sets of bistro resin wicker chairs and end tables as well as a couple of outdoor rugs.  So there are 4 chairs and 2 end tables in between each.  Then I picked up a resin wicker bench at a Bed Bath and Beyond outlet in Florida my last trip down there.  And it was like $19.99 or something completely ridiculous like that.  See below:

Sorry about the poor lighting.  It's 9:53pm here and I'm using my cell phone camera.  Using what I got, people.  But the pillows are a light gray/blue and the rug has that color as well as pale yellow, tan and brown.  Here's a better look of them when they were inside of the house a while ago for better coloring.

K, that one is definitely better representation.  So that room is kinda decorated.  I also picked up some lanterns from Kirkland's a bit ago that will go out there or outside eventually.  I'm pretty sure they were like $9 each or something close.  And they are about 12" tall. 

As well as a few planters from Wal*Mart for $6 each that I currently have herbs in and 2 bigger ones that are sitting on my pantry floor- those were $8.

Ummm do you see the Angel of Patience that is on my windowsill?  That was a gift from my mother a while back.  Apparently I need to work on having a little more patience.  STILL WORKING on it, Mom.  Still working.  And for those Green Thumbs out there. I bought 3 packets of seeds- Rosemary, Thyme, and Basil.  Well those didn't grow.  Fuckers  So I went to the grocery and picked up 2 plants for $1.99 each of Rosemary and Basil. 

Saturday, June 4, 2011

It's ON, Facebook!! Like Donkey Kong.

Well Girl with the Pink Toolbelt is OFFICIALLY on Facebook!!!  I attempted to send you all a "Page Suggestion" but it looks like it didn't work and now I can't send it again as it shows that its already been sent.  Damn technology!!

But anyways- fear not!  There is now a link on this page on the right side where you can "Like" my on FB (hopefully I did it correctly- you know me).  Or you can go to my personal wall and see where I "liked" her.  At some point I will STOP posting stories on my personal page.  So if you want to keep receiving notices of new stories, then you should LIKE ME!!!

And please feel free to suggest me to YOUR friends once you like me.  The more the merrier!! And you know there's enough of me to go around.  No need to be selfish.  

Hope you all had a great week and I've got some fun posts coming this weekend!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Definitely Not One Of My Smartest Ideas

There was this girl that I went to middle and high school with.  She was really nice but she was a little bit…….BIG.  She told us once that her family called her Thunder Thighs growing up.   Nice, huh?   Well I can’t say that I am any better than her family since I used to purposely sit behind her in class because the teacher couldn’t see what I was doing (anything but paying attention) because she kind of “hid” me.  Evil.  Yes I know.  In a handbasket.  I’m there.  One is already custom made for me. 

Well while I was home last night, I decided that I was going to make a game out of watching TV.  Cuz in all honesty, TV trumps being athletic in my book any day.   And it doesn’t even have to be good TV.  If I can find something at all interesting, my ass + couch = not getting up for anything except using the bathroom until I’m ready for bed.  Or for a snack.  It’s not that I don’t have any motivation.  Because I actually LIKE working out and going to the gym.  It’s this thing that I have that I like to call Something Shiny Syndrome.  But anyway- last night was SYTYCD and I knew from 8pm-10pm I was probably only going to get exercise via remote control clicking.   And since Beth and I started our Let’s Lose Weight and Go On A Trip program yesterday, I figured I couldn’t be lazy RIGHT out of the gate.  Save that for day two.  I ran upstairs (literally) and grabbed a pair of socks and ran back down to throw on a pair of sneakers and decided that during commercial breaks I would do a combo of squats and lunges.   

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I apologize in advance.....

So day two of no running water…. Ew. How did people ever live like this? All I can say is that I would NEVER be able to survive in a third world country.  At.  All.  I was able to shower yesterday thanks to the wonderful Wendy and Jon. But this morning was a whole different story. The funny thing is that my boss came in and said, “Well, you don’t stink, so I guess you were able to shower this morning.” Well, no- but thank you for acknowledging that I overdosed my body in Victoria’s Secret spray. Even more funny is that she complimented my slicked back ponytail saying how nice my hair looked pulled back like that and how I’ve never worn my hair like that before. So my takeaway from all of this is that I look and smell better having not showered than I do spending 50 minutes a day each morning getting all beautified.  Fabulous.  

Well I got the call today and they just came and replaced the water tank.  Sweet.  Now I can overload the system and do my laundry, dishes, and shower all at the same time to make sure that it's really working.  But what a pain in the ass.  I guess I can be positive about it and say that it definitely could have been worse.  And with that I'm done talking about the stupid water tank.  

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Screw You and the Horse You Rode In On

So this post was initially going to be dedicated to the wall art for the front spare room (think yellow nightstands).  However, in the meantime some flippin bullshit just happened that I need to vent about.  BULLSHIT, I tell you.

I showered and got ready to go to the grocery and was looking all cute and shit (hey, you never know who you might see in the produce department.  Melons, anyone?).  I grabbed my purse and was about to go through the laundry room and........ SQUISH!!!!!!!!!  Ummm what the hell was THAT?  I look down and see my laundry room FLOODED.  Ummm excuse me but WHAT THE FUCK?  Ballet flats soaked, jeans soaked, Kristi pissed.  And freaking out a lil bit.  I run upstairs to grab some old towels and run back down and throw them on the floor.  And.... so much for being all cute- now I'm a hot, sweaty, soaking wet mess.  Where is this water coming from?  Well I find the leak- and this is where I go in to panic mode.  And I apologize for no action photos- I went into "get rid of the water" mode and didn't think of grabbing any photos. 

OK.  So see above the towel where the wires are coming out of the tank?  Umm ya, that's where the water was coming from.  Electrical wires + water = No Bueno.

Further evidence that there was a shit ton of water- 6 towels and a soaking wet rug.  Now that I've grabbed a tupperware container (thank you, Chinese food gods for your complimentary containers) and have the water going into that, I call the emergency number on the tank.  Of course I realize its a Sunday.  Of course I realize that it's a holiday weekend.  Of course.....

Saturday, May 28, 2011

I'm A Big Kid Now.

Ohhh.  Emmmm.  Geeee!!!!  I am SO EXCITED!!!!  My big girl furniture arrived today!!!!  YIPPEE!!!!

They called me yesterday saying that they would be here between 11:15am and 1:15pm and I just figured that I'd be the last person to get their delivery so I planned on sitting around ALL DAY.  Me and delivery men don't usually see eye to eye on scheduled times so I didn't have too much confidence in this two hour window.  But I got a call this morning at 10:30am from Tim- one of the very lovely boys on the truck- saying that they'd be there in 45 minutes.  SA- WEEEEEEET!

The two guys were really nice, bringing everything up (and BELIEVE ME- they aren't light pieces at all) and setting up the room to my liking.  I swear, I didn't hover too much.  Although the young one almost got punched in the face twice for calling me ma'am.  Does this (shimmy shimmy shimmy) look like a "ma'am" to you?  I think not.

The room looks soooo good.  I think I've walked in there about 63 times since its been set up.  OK 64 times.  I had to stop typing and go back upstairs to look at it again.  Although I'm hoping at some point within the next 8 hours that I grow 3 inches because that bed is HIGH!!!  I might need a footstool to get up on there.  Although picturing myself running across the room and catapulting myself onto it does sound fun too!

So with no further ado..... here she is!!!!!

Sunday, May 22, 2011


It's DONE!!! Done.  Done. DONE!!!!!  Do you know how HAPPY I am about that?  The drawers have been done for quite some time, just sitting by their lonesome on the dining room floor.  But now the actual piece is complete and out of the garage!!

But first let's start with this.  I did my daily "Let's search for some bedroom furniture..... again and be disappointed...... again."  I've literally been doing this song and dance for the last year and a half- maybe more.  But yesterday I found something that I LOVE!!!!  I've been dreaming about a set from Restoration Hardware ( I know I know.  But there are times that I like to pretend that I am rich and could drop THAT kind of money of a bedroom set.... or anything for that matter).  This set would cost me over $7,000 and when you look at it like "I could pay 7 mortgage payments with that."  or "I could buy 14,000 Klondike bars with that."  you start to realize that you can't FATHOM spending that amount of money on furniture.  When I bought my house, my uncle called me to tell me that he was going to buy my bedroom suit for me.  I couldn't find anything else that I liked and about 9 months ago he came out to see my house and we went to every- LITERALLY every- furniture store out there and I found nothing that I liked.

So he left me with a very nice and FULL envelope of cash and told me to purchase the one from Restoration Hardware.  Even with the money, I still couldn't pay that amount.  So I hemmed and I hawed.  And then I hemmed and hawed some more.  Yesterday as I stared longingly at the set through my computer I jumped onto another site just for shits and giggles.  And shockingly- I FOUND SOMETHING!!!

I called up my partner in crime, Miss Wendy and we went up to see it today.  It's gorgeous!  And I bought it!!!  Woo hooo now I won't have to leave my clothes on the floor!  I have BIG GIRL furniture!   YAY me!!  I literally have every other room in my house furnished but my master bedroom.  Now, the house is complete!!  I'm so flippin excited about this furniture, you have no idea.  AND the best news of it all..... it was HALF the price!!!  But still made of solid wood and not the cheap shit that seems to be all the rage lately.  Ew.  It will be delivered next Saturday and I honestly think I'm going to kiss the delivery men the minute I open the door!! (Note to self:  remember to shave on Friday.  Hey- you never know!)

So after we left we came back home to cook dinner.  I made my yummy stuffed chicken breasts (spinach, Borsin cheese, and sun dried tomatoes.... delish!) with wild rice and steamed broccoli.  Jon and Wendy rode their bikes over since it was such a nice day and we chilled a little bit before I roped Jon into some manual labor.  (Hey- I at LEAST fed him first!)  We brought the soon-to-be yellow dresser down to the garage and brought the Bombe dresser inside to the dining room cuz she's FINISHED!!!  And I fucking LOVE IT!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

That's Alright, That's OK. You're Gonna Pump My Gas Someday.

I'm not quite sure what I am going to do with this new job of mine.  It's getting kind of ridiculous if you ask me.  I honestly don't know who they think they are.  I've had to work 3 events since I started.  And for some RIDICULOUS reason- I've gotten a day off for each of those three events.  WHAT?  I know!  Its such a foreign concept.  I've never heard of this before.  A COMP day?  Not only that but we've gotten out early the past couple of Fridays.  Its like the world really IS coming to an end today.

Anyway- I got yesterday off for one of these events so I did what any person with a day off does.  Slept in.  Got woken up by the construction workers at 7am.  FUN TIMES.  I actually wasn't too mad at them though because I had a ton of things on my list that I wanted to get done so I didn't get stuck doing them this weekend.  I went to the gym and ran for a lil bit.  Then came back home and spent more time de-thatching my yard.  I now have about 11% of the yard done and it's only taken me 74 days.  Sweet!  Maybe some time in 2015 I will have the entire yard complete.  Once I finished that tenth of the yard I mowed the entire thing.  And this is where I got my first sunburn of the year!!  Woo hooo for farmer tans!  It was so nice to be outside though in nice warm HOT weather.  I forgot what it feels like to sweat.  And let me tell you, my pits were loving it too!  Sexy.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

More Things That Annoy The Shit Out Of Me

  • People who pronounce "important" as impordent.  There is no D in the word.  Go back to the 1st grade.  
  • Idiots walking in front of you that just stop.  For no reason whatsoever.
  • The price of gas.
  • My dryer that keeps shrinking my pants.
  • The evil York peppermint patties in the drawer next to me screaming "Eat me! Eat me!" every 5 seconds. 
  • Men who use LOL.  Nuff said.
  • Construction workers that find it necessary to work on the house next to me at 7am on a Saturday.  A SATURDAY PEOPLE!
  • Drivers who don't speed up when getting on to a highway.
  • The Real Housewives of......
  • The Black Eyed Peas.
  • Someone ordering a pound of 6 different kinds of meat at the deli when all I want it a 1/2 pound of turkey.
  • Standing in line at a store (any store but mostly Wal-Mart) that has at least 20 check out points but only has 3 of them working.  And none of them is a 10 items or less line.  
  • Laurie Ann Gibson.  Big time annoys me.  
  • People who update their FB status more than 5 times a day.  I don't need to know what you ate, when you went pee, who you ran into at the grocery, and the funny thing your daughter said to you.  All in a 20 minute time period. 
  • Spray paint dust.  
  • Old Navy commercials.  Sorry- one was just on when I was writing this blog. And it was obnoxious.
  • Brain freezes. 
  • Cleaning my shower.  Although lately I've made a fun game of "Let's Pretend We're At the Beach" where I get in my bikini and spray some coconut lotion and crank up the radio while the waterfall (shower spray) soaks me.  Good times.  
  • Season finales

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Crash Into Me....

When I was in college in Miami, I worked for my friends’ ticketing company. We would run a lot of events throughout the year- but one of my favorite events was the Sony Ericsson Open held in Key Biscayne. The vibe around that event was always something spectacular and it was the one time a year that I imagined that I could be this posh, wealthy person that hangs out at tennis events with the rich and European. And then I’d wake up and look at my checking account balance and be immediately smacked back into reality. Good times. 

It didn’t help that I had a total crush on the guy who ran the event. Ahhh, Charles. Side note: My friend Matt always tried to embarrass the shit out of me wherever we were. He found out that I had a huge crush on Charles and after I tried to embarrass him in front of this hot chick one day, he totally blurted out in front of everyone (including Charles) that I totally had the hots for him. I played it off and made it look like he didn’t just put me on blast (and I certainly didn’t deny it to Charles when he looked at me!), but I was completely mortified. Thanks Matt!! Love ya!! Anyways- I worked this event about 3 or 4 times before I had a brief hiatus in New Hampshire. When I moved back to Miami we always had craptastic Disney On Ice the same time as the tennis tournament so I never got to go. 

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Your News- Local, Live, and Breath Taking

I have this dear friend of mine who I'm not quite sure if I've mentioned yet in this blog. Probably because his head is ALREADY big enough- there's no need to make it any bigger.  Just kidding.  I met Joel while I was in college in Miami my first year.  We were at some cheesy gathering for one of the orientation events.  He was sitting in front of me and my roommate, Melissa, with his roommate and some of the other guys on his floor (although he claims that he was BEHIND us- whatever).  There was some obnoxious girl on stage with a microphone and I just kept making fun of her and her manly voice.  Joel, hearing me, turned around and was like "OMG you are such a bitch and we are sooooooo going to be best friends."  Clearly, this is not what was said but he did turn around and give me some look and probably rolled his eyes at me and shushed me so that he could hear manly voice giving her presentation.

You And Me Baby, We're Stuck Like Glue.

What a week.  Seriously.  I've been a busy lady this week getting some projects done, some started, and figuring out how to use my orbital sander- which I JUST USED!!! Love it!  And boy do I look sexy in some protective glasses.  Just sayin boys!  You are MISSING out.  And I cook.  Seriously missing out. 

Anyways- I was given a garage freezer/fridge last weekend which is so frickin awesome (THANK YOU JUDY!!!!) because I had been wanting one but I wasn't trying to spend $400-$500 on one right now.  My friends got a new one for their house and rather than having the delivery guy take their old one away- they asked me if I wanted it.  HELLS YES I did!!  So there she is- all stainless and pretty and keeping mama's Blue Moon nice and COLD. 

So knowing that I was getting this- I had to move some things around in my garage to make room.  Well that means that I no longer have any room to park in my garage.  My TWO CAR garage.  With my ONE CAR.  Because of all the junk lovely things I have in there right now.  So I decided that I had to get some of the "projects" done and outta there so I could at least park my car again.  For crying out loud.  I'm ridiculous.  

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Boys I'd Like To F.......... be friendly with.... or as Beth likes to call this post- We Are Giant Slut Bags and Proud of It

Prior to this post- I wanted to say a few things.  One is a huge THANK YOU for all of you who are reading my blog (whether it's for enjoyment or you are being vindictive) because my post last week is the biggest (no pun intended) read story since I've started the blog.  The second is that this is a blog.  Its not CNN.  No need to take me SO DAMN SERIOUSLY people.  It's meant to be FUNNY.  Get a sense of humor.  If you don't like it- don't read it.  And for those of you who passed it on to try an get me into some sort of trouble- then you did exactly what I wanted you to do without even realizing.  So again, THANK YOU!!!! And in case you are wondering.  Everything that I do, say, and type is well thought out.  I know exactly what I am doing it, when I am doing it.  Now on to more important things!!

So last night was Beth's and my DWTS textfest night.  This is a weekly thing that we've started doing and we have so much fun trashing, bashing and judging each couple (It's almost up there with us yelling "Fatties!!!" at our TV's on Biggest Loser night).  Somehow last night we got into this "thing" where we started naming guys on our lists.  You girls all know that you have those LISTS.....wink wink.  It started from a new commercial for the latest Pirates movie and Beth was all gaga over Johnny Depp.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

SOME of the Things That Annoy the Shit Out of Me.

  • People chomping on gum like it’s their job and when you talk to them about it they say, “OMG- I didn’t even realize I was doing that!” while twirling their hair around their finger. But then they continue to do it.
  • Bad drivers. How hard is it to learn how to merge? Really. And turning right from a left lane? Seriously?
  • Pajama jeans.
  • People who think that because I’m blond I MUST be dumb. When you do that, say that, or act like that- I will turn around and out-smart you under the table. And you’ll look like an ass.
  • Co-workers who chew on ice. All the time. Including in meetings. And spit it out all over you.
  • People who say, “I know you’re busy, but….” And totally continue to interrupt you like you aren’t busy.
  • Skinny girls.
  • Lady Gaga. Enough said.
  • Anyone expecting any productivity out of me prior to 10:00am. Also between 11:30am-2:00pm. And after 3:00pm for that matter.
  • Jeggings (or all leggings for that matter) and people who should definitely NOT be wearing them. I don’t need to see all that business going on back there.
  • Someone trying to argue with me or trying to prove me wrong. I will win. Because I always do. And I’ll make you cry.
  • One uppers. For example: I went to the local mall and purchased a shirt. One upper flew out to Beverly Hills and went to Rodeo Drive and bought 20 shirts and 32 pairs of jeans and 6 pairs of shoes. And while she was there, she was found by an agent and was hired for a commercial. Cuz she’s just a little bit better than you.
  • Interrupters.
  • People who ask you a question but then don’t let you answer it. Or they answer it for you.
  • Children without manners.
  • Jessica Simpson, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and the cast of jersey Shore. They are all on the bus that I’m sending over the cliff.
  • People who want you to vote for their child as the new face of the Gap. Over and over. Newsflash- you’re child isn’t that cute. That’s why I haven’t voted for him/her.
  • Being told what to do. Or someone “suggesting” you do something….. like you aren’t 31 years old and don’t have a mind of your own. 
  • 5......5 dollar......5 dollar footlong.  
  • My phone ringing before noon on a weekend. 

I Feel The Earth Move....Whenever You're Around!

After I left the Heat, I started working with my good friend’s company again until I found another full time job. I had already been looking for a new job for over a year and nothing peaked my interest and apparently I didn’t peak any of the employers interest of the ones that I did apply for. It was really starting to get frustrating and I was at the point of giving up. 

Wendy called me one day when I was just really down on myself and not knowing what I was going to do and told me about two jobs that she had found.  I begrudgingly got out of bed at her insistence cursing her all the way over to my computer that I apply for these two jobs and submitted my resume. I applied for the jobs on a Monday. I received a call from one of them on that Thursday, they flew me up on the following Monday and I was hired on Thursday. When I flew up up there, I was in the middle of a golf tournament in Northern Florida that went for another week. When I was hired, I literally had one week to get back to Miami, pack all of my things, and move. I should have known at the time with how “unaccommodating” about my start date my soon to be supervisor was being that this job really wasn’t for me. But I was at least getting out of Florida and to where I wanted to be. And I was also getting a decent salary again! Woo hoo!! 

So I moved in March on the Friday before I was supposed to start my job, put all of my stuff in storage and moved in with Wendy and Jon. Little did they know- they weren’t going to get rid of me for another year and a half! Bwahhh hahaha!! My first day on the job, there were two other girls starting as well and one of them became my first official “new friend” here- you couldn’t separate us. We definitely had a great time with each other while I was there. The rest of the office (excluding one department worth) was great. It was mostly made up of girls my age and we spent lots of time out together. For some reason this company thought that I was the be all and end all of knowledge and experience. Boy do I know how to fluff my resume, huh? Just kidding, I really do know it all.  Our CEO was amazing, letting me do my thing, running my department (and by department, I mean ME), my direct supervisor was annoying as all hell, but was certainly tolerable because he pretty much left me alone since he had zero ticketing experience. Things were going good for quite a while. We went on the road that summer and I apparently surprised my CEO with how much I knew and what I could handle and with all of the changes that I implemented. I was told numerous times that they were just waiting for me to realize how much cooler I was than them obviously and were waiting for me to leave. My staff at that point was terrible- with the exception of Beth. So after the summer was over, I fired them all but kept my sister from another mister. She’s thoroughly entertaining so I couldn’t get rid of her and we definitely kept each other sane with all of the bullshit that we had to go through. 

During my interview (black suit, hot pink shirt- BAM!) I was very open with “what type of employee I am.” I later found out that after I left their office, my soon-to-be supervisor was like, “Who tells a company what they will and won’t do at a job interview?” HAHA. Yes I have a serious set of balls. I needed to make it VERY CLEAR to whoever was going to hire me that I wasn’t going to kill myself for them. I would however, bust my ass and get my job done but I was done at 5pm. Don’t call me and don’t email me when I am home because I will not respond. I understood that when we were “in season” that this would change and I would be there when I needed to be. But the rest of the year- 40 hours a week baby. Well this apparently pissed off one department who thought that they were god’s gift. How it was my fault that they can't get their shit done during the work day and I could?  Not my problem. 

I really started to butt heads with the head of one department. He didn’t work in our office so it was difficult to interact with him at first and I thought it was me misunderstanding this guy.  But then it started to really get bad. Everyone kept saying not to worry about it, it’s just that he’s from the east coast and he had “east coast attitude.” No. Fuck that. I’m from the east coast. I know LOTS of people from the east coast. And NONE of them behave the way that this fucker does. Don’t lump all of us into the same category as him and don’t give the “east coast” a bad name by describing him as that. I apologize to any of you in advance that are friends with this scumbag. Because I am NOT going to be nice about him. He’s a complete dickhead. The first time I met him he was plopped in a chair in our conference room. The entire time he was talking to me I couldn’t think of anything other than him eating me for lunch. He is ENORMOUS (and that’s being nice). When he crosses his arms in front of him they stick straight out (a la I Dream of Genie) resting on his man boobs because his gut sticks so far out that he can’t put his arms down. He’s so gigantic that he broke one of our conference room chairs. He’s a cross between Fat Bastard and Jabba the Hutt.  He starts sweating just thinking about having to stand up. 

He basically had our CEO wrapped around his finger and anything that Blob (my name for him) said, went. He bad mouthed the staff in front of our board of directors. He forced us to have everything written, designed, created, etc. by his graphic design company (conflict of interest anyone?) and required to have at least 2 weeks for completion of said request- which was never completed within the 2 weeks. I think that from the almost 3 years that I was there, I MAYBE got 3 requests done on time from him. When you started questioning him as to where your request was, he’d get wicked nasty with you and swear and call you names in emails. He had all the power in the office because he was the master manipulator. He is a serious bully and one of the most passive aggressive people I’ve ever met. He flipped out on me a year into my being there about a letter. Seriously. A letter. Here’s a little snippet of what was said (exact quotes-  only thing that is changed are company name and my supervisors name) on the day that the letter was due back to me and he decided to tell me that he was changing MY REQUEST to a postcard:

Blob: I think we will opt to do this as a postcard, rather than killing extra trees with everything else.

Me: Literally just printed the envelopes since I hadn’t heard back from anyone and I thought I’d receive it today. Can we just do the letter so as not to waste the envelopes and money that was spent on those? (Never mind that he said that they will “opt” to do a postcard- so that meant he hadn’t even started the postcard- which meant that AGAIN I wasn’t going to get my request on time)

Blob: If you were just going to do your own thing anyway, why did you bother to ask?

I didn’t respond to him. The next day (one day past due date) still no letter in hand.

Me: Please let me know when is a good time to chat about this letter. I am available anytime today to get on a conference call with you. Thanks so much!

Blob: There’s nothing to chat about. You’ve pissed me off. 

This is how all conversations went with him. I was at my breaking point with him. I was trying really REALLY hard not to turn into the “old me” aka Major Bitch that I was when I was in Miami. I wasn’t going to get all riled up by this guy but I also wasn’t going to feel like I had to tip toe around him either. So I went to my supervisor to ask him to talk to Blob and see what was going on with the letter/postcard. 

At the end of the day he emailed Blob: “So, is it fair to assume we'll have this tomorrow morning?” (Which would then mean that the request is now two full days past the due date.)

Blob: Why are you involved with this now? Am I going to have to put up with yet another weak "ABC"  employee getting the "daddy du jour" to fight their battles for them, rather than ponying up and being a professional? Fuck this, "Rich". This has nothing to do with you other than the fact that this lazy employee dragged you into the conversation in an effort to "tattle" on me. I'm over this kind of behavior from the poseurs in the office, and if you're going to enable the perpetuation of mediocrity, you and I will need to discuss it when we're next together. To answer your question: It's fair to assume that you'll have the fucking letter when I get it done.

So now do you know what I mean when I say he’s a total dickhead? My supervisor said that he had “every right to talk to me like that because he’s a senior manager” when I complained about him. Ummm- I don’t THINK SO. I don’t give a fuck who you are, you don’t talk to anyone like that. I then went to my CEO about it and he asked what I responded. I told him that I he “didn’t WANT me to respond to him. But if he sends me another email like that, I WILL respond to him and it won’t be pretty.” Needless to say that after that I didn’t interact with him. I went through my supervisor or my CEO when I had something I needed from  him. He started to treat more and more employees like that too. My supervisor finally had enough of it because now HE was getting treated the same way that I was (yeah- NOW that douchebag thought that Blob was inappropriate- only cuz HE was being treated like shit). So 5 people (out of an office of about 17-18) put a binder together, that ended up being about 180 pages, and filed an official complaint against him. A week went by and finally our CEO responded back to us that Blob had been talked to. That’s it. I decided then and there that I was leaving this company. Nothing was going to change because he was the master puppeteer and had brainwashed our CEO. I wasn’t passionate about working there, it wasn’t sports- which was where I loved being. And let’s face it, I am cooler than most people that work there so I was just doing what they thought all along I was going to do. Just kidding. But. Not really. 

I’m glad that I worked there though. I learned a lot on office politics. I got more experience in my field. I learned tons of “How NOT To’s.” But I also met some of my very good friends there.  For that, I am grateful. I also wouldn’t have half of the hilarious stories about Beth and I. OMG- I would have never met Beth. Definitely glad that I worked there. And who knows what would’ve happened had I stayed in Florida any longer.

To Blob: You will always be the fat kid in school who got made fun of that now overcompensates for it by treating others like shit. You are a coward, a bully, and evil spirited. No one likes you and in fact, they pity you. You sit behind your computer and send out your “hateful words” and “nasty comments” from behind a monitor- like you are so tough.  But when it comes down to it- you can’t say it to their faces cuz you are nothing but a little bitch. I don’t feel bad that when I met with you to talk about how much of an asshole you really are, I made you sit in a booth because I knew you wouldn’t fit in it and watching you try to squeeze into it was the highlight of my week.  How do you like me now? 

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Workin For the Weekend

So I've debated a few times on if I ever wanted to broach the subject with you all.  I'm not one to hold anything back but didn't know if this story would be interesting enough, cheesy enough,  funny enough, etc.  I've decided to just go with it because for better or worse, what is going to be told has made me who I am today a big nasty bitch.  A FB comment from a friend and former co-worker today is what really made my decision to talk about what happened.  And simmer down, these are just going to be stories of my previous employments.  No need to be all dramatic, people.  But I did have you seriously wondering there for a second right?  Oooooh what kinda dirt was she going to tell us????  Well, fear not, there might actually be some MAJOR dirt.  Just read on. 

I've already talked about some of  my experiences but mostly the funny ones.  But believe me, there are probably WAY more not-so-funny stories than the funny ones.  Except for when I am with Beth and believe me- I have LOTS more stories of our little adventures.  These stories won't be in any sort of order other than what job I'm thinking about at the time of the post or if something I did the day that I was typing it up reminded me of a funny or terrible time I was having.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Its Gonna be a Bright...... Sunshiny day!!!!

Eventually......maybe...... hopefully.....

It seriously feels like it was last September that we actually had a sunny day.  I think my weekly forecast for the last 3 weeks has been a cross between rain, thunderstorms, tornadoes, and severe weather.  I'll tell you what though.... There's NOTHING like tornado sirens going off until 3AM.  Nothing.  I guess its a good thing that I'm right next to one of the towers that blows that obnoxious horn.  I just don't prefer it to go off when I'm trying to sleep.  Cuz this mama needs her sleep.  Nor do I ever plan to bunker down in my coat closet- which is literally 2ft X 5ft.  if I'm going to die, its either going to be on my comfy couch or my really comfy bed. 

This weekend was no different with the weather so I had to make the best out of it.  A bunch of us (including Miss Wendy and Miss Judy- SHOUT OUT!) went out to a celebratory Going Away dinner at a del-icious Mexican restaurant.  (Not Desperado's delicious- but definitely a great place) They had A-MAZING raspberry margarita's for $1.99- ummmm yeah..... let's just say they were very yummmmmmmy!!!!  And very strong!  We said goodbye for now to Kristi and Chad as they moved to Virginia to start their new jobs.  Had lots of chips and salsa and tons of laughs.  Its always a great time hanging out with this group of friends.  They've definitely taken me in as one of their own since I've moved here.  LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

If I had a million dollars….or ten

Do you ever think about what you would do if you won the lottery?  I mean, seriously won the lottery.  Not like $10,000. More like $10 million... or more (hopefully).  It would have to be something significant to actually make a dent because you know that almost half of it is taken out for taxes, right? (Bullshit cough cough) Well I was working from home the last two weekends and there was shit on for TV (and yes, I get paid to sit on my ass and watch TV and drink wine. Jealous???). So I came across a show on TLC about people who have won the lottery. And this one isn’t based on the idiots who blow it on brass sculptures and Lamborghini's, its more about people who’ve changed their lives with their winnings (or at least HAVEN’T blown it on brass sculptures and Lamborghini's!). I mean, one of the girls went and bought her two sisters boob jobs- so believe me- they aren’t humanitarians or anything afterwards. 

But it got me thinking about what I would do if I ever won that much cash. Who would I give money to? What would I pay off? What would I BUY? Would I invest? Would I blow it all in 3 months? Would I tell anyone? Would I change my name and fall off the face of the earth? Would I donate it to charity? Would I quit my job? See- there are a lot of things that can happen to a person when you win the lottery (says the person who has never won the lottery). One never knows how they will handle it until they are put into the position of being an Insta-millionaire. Just add water.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Party in the U.S.A.

Did you all watch Dancing with the Stars last night? I’m not quite sure what the deal is this season, but what’s up with all the lame ass themes they are doing? I get it. They are on their 12th season so they are trying to “spice” things up a bit. But my idea of “spicing things up” isn’t watching the pairs grind to God Bless America. If anything could be less “American” it would be a Latin dance to “Sweet Home Alabama.” You guys know I love me some Ralph Macchio. But what was up with the mom-jeans he was wearing? I don’t think I’ve seen a guy look any more awkward than him in denim. And ABC, please don’t ever consider Miley Cyrus as the definition of American or put her in the same company as Sinatra and/or Elvis again. While I understand that you are owned by Disney trying to keep the younger audience, that’s completely delusional of you think that “Party in the USA” was anything other than a 2010 gay summer anthem. No seriously- it was. YouTube it. The gays love it. There’s like 10,000 versions of the video up there.  And I can totally say that (all of you that just gasped at your computer screen.   "Like, OMG, she totally did NOT just go there.") because I, too, was a 2010 gay summer anthem.  

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Heeeeey Yooooou Guuuuuuuuuuys!

OMG.  I seriously don't feel like I did anything this weekend.  I mean, I DID work on Saturday.  And today I DID do laundry and I vacuumed.  And laid on the couch watching the Sox and Celtics.  But other than that.... nothing.  At least I got up in between games and showered so I didn't still smell like last night's smoky bar (ew) ALL day long.  I almost feel a little "Sloth-like" at this point (hence the blog title).  I think it just feels weird because it was a nice (60ish) day out and I wasn't in my garage painting/sanding/staining something.  It actually felt nice to just sit and chill and eat ice cream and drink beer

Hopefully next weekend (if its nice out), I can go get some magical cure fertilizer for my lawn to see if that makes it a little greener this summer.  Last year I didn't have much time to spend on it because of my job and all of the traveling.  But this year I'm really hoping to do something ANYTHING with it.  I have the largest lawn in the development and it looks the shittiest.  I know- I'm THAT neighbor who has weeds and dandelions.  Screw off.  I bet the inside of your house looks like shit.  So there.  I've been procrastinating because I'm not quite sure what to do with it.  I know that I want to have a much bigger patio than the 10 X 10 that I currently have.  One that is big enough for a dining set and the gorgeous chaise lounges that are currently stacked in my garage since November.  Then once that is down I can get the rest of the yard sodded (only the front and sides of the house were sodded when I bought).  But the one thing that I have ZERO experience with is having a yard.  My problem is I want to do everything now- like plant a garden, plant flowers, have beautiful blooming shrubs, put up a fence, and buy outdoor furniture... Ideally I'd really like Ahmed Hassan no he's not a terrorist that I know of the host of Yard Crashers to show up at my local Lowe's at the exact time that I am there and pick ME to have a free backyard renovation!  But since I know that's not going to happen....