Sunday, October 27, 2013

Getting Rid of the Boobs

Woah now.  Simmer down, boys.  This isn't that kind of blog.  The girls are still intact and as perky as ever.  Gravity hasn't taken full effect just yet.  Anyway, enough about my lady humps.  Sorry that you had to read any of that, Dad.

This post pertains to those awful boob lights that seem to be all the rave with the builders these days.

Ew.  There it is- in all it's shiny brassy glory.  There were 4 of them in the house when I moved in.  First thing I did was take them down and spray then oil rubbed bronze- to as least make them fractionally less hideous. The last remaining two in the house are at the top and bottom of the stairs.

I've searched all over for new lights to no avail.  Until I found The One in Lowe's about a month ago.  Unfortunately they only had one, not two in stock.  So I passed.  In the meantime, I found a cute lamp shade on clearance at Target that I picked up, thinking that I could make it into something for the top of the stairs where all of the pink is.  It was funky and cool and I tried.  I really did.  After cutting up two old lamps for pieces and picking up a light kit at Menards, I finally came to the conclusion that I was failing.  So I gave up.

I jumped onto and looked up semi-flushed mount lights and saw The One again.  This time marked down from $68 to $54.  Score.  I searched by zip code to see where I could find them and the closest store to me was about 25 miles away.  Of course none of the 6 stores near me had any.  Ugh.

So yesterday I headed out to pick them up and explore the great state of Indiana in the process.  I grabbed my two and used one of my birthday gift cards for one of them THANK YOU MAMACITA and headed back to the car.  I thought to myself as I was pulling out of the parking lot that I should have bought 3- you know- just in case something was wrong with one of them- but pushed that feeling aside as I cruised on down the road.  Well... hindsight and all.... it's a bitch.

I got home, turned off the power- safety first, bitches- and removed the boob light downstairs.

Easy peasy.  Then I got to putting together and installing the new light.

About half way through the install, with my arms above my head for roughly 15 minutes, staring at these screws that were supposed to be long enough-which clearly weren't- I realized I needed to head back to Lowe's to get longer screws.  Ugh.  Nothing like putting a wrench in the install.  So 20 minutes later I was back and the light was up.  Woot woot!

So pretty right?  Except there's one thing that's wicked annoying.  If you can see the difference from the box to the light, you know that it's driving my OCD crazy.  The top square and the shade square don't line up.  Whatever dimwit that made the shade didn't line up the holes of the shade to the attachment so that the squares were the same direction.  The shade is attached, therefore I can't just turn it until they meet up.  So at some point I will take it back down, drill new holes so that they even up and re-install it.  Because that is REALLY going to annoy the shit out of me.

Anyway- I headed upstairs to start on the 2nd light.  After numerous attempts to figure out which breaker this light fell under and running from the garage to the house and back again about 16 times, I finally figured it out.  It's the master bedroom switch- in case any of you care.  Why- I have no idea.  But it is.

I removed that boob light and started putting the new light together only to find out that the shade was crushed.  Bad.  Of course it was.  And then the little voice in my head said- "See, I told you we should have gotten that third light just in case."  UGH.  Stupid voice in my head. Well let me tell you, there was no effing way I was driving all the way back to that store to get a new light.

So this morning I headed over to the store 4 minutes from my house, returned the damaged light and had the store order me a new one to be delivered there.  It should arrive within 7-10 days.  So for now- the light that I use every night on my way upstairs to go to bed is just wires.  Oh well.  Good thing I know exactly how many stairs there are and steps from the top of the stairs until my bedroom light is.  What, you don't have your house memorized like that?  Again, I'm crazy.  I've grown to accept it.

But I love the new light!!  Can't wait until I get the replacement light to see how they look together.  What do you think?  Big improvement?  I'm definitely glad that I held out until I found something that I really liked. Rather than just buying something that I kind of liked just to get rid of the ugly boob lights.  That $5 can of spray paint was worth the 4 year wait.

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