Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentines, Schmalentines..... and a lil bit of Marshall Mathers

Beth said it right when she said "Single women shouldn't even have to leave the house today."  I completely agree.  Bitter Betty, party of one.... That's me!  I did however, have a very nice time at Happy Hour with some great friends tonight.  Then I'll be up in the gym, justa workin on my fitness.  At least I won't have to wait for any machines!! Yes- there IS a positive to being single!!  And red never really was my color anyways.  Now- talk to me on St. Patty's day.  THAT'S my holiday.  :)

Did you all watch the Grammy's last night?  I think the only reason I sat through them til the very end was to finish the bottle of champagne that I opened.  And yes, I DID finish it.  Shockingly I didn't have a major headache today.  Yay me!  But how boring were they?  I think this is the first time that I've watched that they haven't opened with a smashing over the top performance.  That Aretha Franklin tribute was awful.  The only semi good thing about it was seeing Christina ALMOST fall off the stage at the end.  If you didn't see it, go on Youtube.  EPIC!   How is it that Aretha gets a Grammy tribute and is "too sick" to be there- BUT she was at the Heat v. Piston game the night before?  I'm a little bit confused on that one.  Who knew she even liked basketball?

We'll talk about my dirty boyfriend in a minute, but WTF is up with Gaga?  I'm sorry.  I do not like her.  At all.  I've never liked her.  She's absolutely annoying as shit to me.  I don't understand what her deal is.  What her gimmick is.  The ONLY thing I like about her is that she is an advocate for gay rights.  Other than that she can suffocate in that egg pod of hers and I wouldn't miss her one bit.  Her new song is a complete rip off of Madonna's "Express Yourself."  Why didn't she thank Madonna last night for allowing her to plagiarize it, rather than Whitney?  Where'd that come from anyway?  Random. 

How about Mumford & Sons?  Were they not AWESOME?  I really think that were having sex on stage with their instruments, they were so excited to be there.  Good for them.  I think the keyboardist had Willow Smiths "Whip My Hair" playing in his ears because he was working that head of his like there was no tomorrow.  I bet he's in pain today.  And the guy stroking and grinding the banjo??  I won't even go there. 

Drake and Rihanna's performance - hilarious.  Probably not intended to be.  But did you see Drake's face when she was grinding up against him?  My friend Melissa's status was something like- "Who ran off the stage faster?  Drake or his hard on from Rihanna?"  Poor thing.  But he's still adorable.  I actually felt a little bad for him though- as he walked the red carpet with his mom.  AWK-WARD. 

OK- now onto my dirty, sexy, filthy, hotness that is otherwise known to all of you as Eminem.  Can we just take a moment please?  Ohhhhhh yeah....... Can I just say how much I love playback on cable?  Cuz I about wore that bitch out last night watching him over and over and over and over.  Good lord, I've missed him.  He has so much anger and passion when he performs.  I can only WISH that I was that passionate about something.  Anything.  He is an absolute lyrical genius.  An Amazing artist.  But most importantly, he's frickin' HOT!!!  There is just something about him that does it for me.  Which is weird- cuz you all know that I like my meat well done, my chocolate dark, my coffee black... They don't call me the "black man's Kryptonite" for nothing, people.  I think it has something to do with the movie 8 Mile.  There's something about him banging Britney Murphy's character against the wall in that warehouse working with his hands for a living that just DOES it for me.  I LOVE me some blue collar workers.  That is sexy to me.  I like a man who gets dirty.  You won't find me with a suit.  Well, unless he likes to come home and fix motorcycles in the garage.  And get all greased up.  Do you get what I'm saying? 

Side story:  My first summer at my last job, Beth and I were lucky enough to run a show in Lincoln, NE.  Believe me, if you've never been there- book your trip.  That place is PRETTY AMAZING.  Anyway- we were driving on the highway en route to the venue and we pass this enormously huge sign for a gas station/ convenience store.  Beth and I both look at each other with one eyebrow raised and say, "Wait- did you just see that?  Did that just say... Kum and Go?"  Ahhhhh- yes, love the humor of those Nebraskans. If you're going to GO THERE, why not just go ALL the way there?   What marketing genius names their store Kum and Go?  Needless to say- that was the best jump start to one fabulously awesome friendship between the two of us, where we learned just how much we are alike in our perverted senses of humor.  Good times- many more for you to hear about.  Ummmm we're closed. 

Back to last night:  So Beth and I like to text all night every night when we watch the same shows.  She's up in Wisconsin and I'm in Indiana, totally in sync with our TV watching.  We watch The Bachelor, Top Chef, Dancing with the (Z-list) Stars, The Bachelor Pad (please dear lord, let there be another season of that EPICness), Hell Cats, etc.  You know- many hours of AMAZING good quality TV that we trash talk throughout.  So last night we were watching the Grammy's and Eminem when I'm telling her all of my lovely fantasies about him.  I can't write exactly what I wrote as both of the parentals read this blog and I just wouldn't do that to them- to which she responds that she had to go dry herself off after that performance and that she was "renaming her living room the Kum and Go.  Yes- that is how most of our nights go.  Trying to one up each other with the "OMG I almost just spit out my drink because that was so hilariously vulgar."  We are two pretty insanely funny bitches.  Imagine us on the road together all summer.  San Antonio will never be the same again.  The police love us though.  Let's just leave it at that. 

I'll tell you who had a fantastic night though.  Arcade Fire.  Who the hell are they?  Album of the year?  Really?  Justin Bieber was ROBBED!  Kidding.  But seriously- I bet even they were shocked that Em's name wasn't called.  Their sales are probably going through the roof today.  I just can't believe that I stayed up for that though.  Again- let's be honest.  It was more to finish the champagne than anything else though.  Watching the Grammy's only justified it a little bit more.  To my sponsor- probably not so much.

1 comment:

  1. I grew up with four Kum & Go's in a three mile radius of my house in Iowa. And, while in Vegas, my friends from Minnesota were smoking their cigs using a Kum & Go lighter. Great post - thanks for sharing!


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