Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Devil Went Down To Georgia

HAHAHA.  Totally an inside joke.  But I bet I just gave a few people mild heart attacks thinking I was going to write a blog about someone when I swore I wouldn't!  HAH.  Give me a few more beers and maybe I will.  Since I'm evil and all.  You should feel bad for me and my evil self.

Anyway- I've been ridiculously busy with work lately.  We've had events like every weekend and it doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon.  We have a marching band competition (woo. hoo.) ALL DAY  tomorrow, ALL DAY Friday and ALL DAY Saturday.  Then another Colts game on Sunday.  So odds are I'm going to be Little Miss Sunshine Crankypants by the time Sunday rolls around.  But maybe that'll change when I get to watch Sunday night football!  Go Pats!

So it's been terribly windy here lately and we were having tornado warnings left and right.  Everyone here was informed to go to Lucas Oil Stadium  for safety because there would be no touchdowns there.  AHAHAHAHAHAH get it?  If not, find out where the Colts play. It'll come to you.  0-9 baby!

I went out to dinner tonight with some great friends that I haven't seen in a while (work work work).  Well I received a little gift when my friends got there.  AND it wasn't even my birthday!  I love presents.  They are so sweet.  I can neither confirm nor deny that I might have or might not have been an accessory to a crime for them.  And they were just showing their appreciation for my maybe or maybe not participation.  Like I've said before I'm not the friend you come to for a should to cry on.  I'm the friend you come to when you need to dig 6 feet and hide a body.  I'll be there for you.  No questions.  HAHA.

Well I opened up my cute little gift and at first I thought it was a Christmas tree ornament- which would have been totally cute but definitely gives me ideas for some bling on my tree this year.  Side note:  Miss Kim and I took decorating classes at our local Pottery Barn and we almost got kicked out (twice- totally different story- hilarious) but they informed us that you should have 3 themes for your tree as well as roughly 180 ornaments on your tree.  So think about that when you are unwrapping your decorations.  Better run out and get more so that you are up to PB's standards.  Anyway- here is my newest addition to Kristi's Palace.  Isn't she a beauty?

I mean, even the packaging screams Christmas ornament.  Oh and another side note which totally goes with this gift as well- you'll see why in a second.  See the first picture with my fingers in it?  Well my index finger has a little bit of a scar on it where the knuckle is on the side of my finger.  It's barely visible but let me just tell you- it's there.  Zoom that shit.   I got this scar from when I was maybe 3 or 4 and I was out playing in my back yard with my cousin.  We were digging around in the yard and I dug up a full beer bottle.  (Who the hell buries full bottles of beer?  Seriously?)  Being the brat that I was, I wanted to try and open the bottle (not that I was going to drink it- that shit had been in the ground for ever and probably tasted like piss- even a 4 year old knows that).  But my skinny little arms didn't have much muscle to them back then and I couldn't twist it.  My cousin was being a little bitch and kept telling me to stop because we were going to get in trouble.  Well you know what happens when you tell me no.  Ummm hmmm you know it.  I was bound and determined to open this bottle.  So the genius that I was saw a huge rock behind my cousin and ran past her and smashed the bottle on the rock....still....holding....the...bottle.  Well silly me.  I sliced my hand open and blood was gushing everywhere.  And you want to know what I screamed?  "Ohhhhhhhh shiiiiiiiiiit!!!!!"  Yup, my mother's daughter right there.  Even at 3 or 4.  Well I screamed so loud that my mom actually heard me in the house and came out onto the back porch and my cousin was like, "Aunt Lynnnnnnnnn.....Kristi cut her hand by smashing a beer bottleeeeeeeee!!!"  Little bitch totally ratted me out.  But whatever.  She's fat.  She's got to live with being a tattletale and being fat.  Poor thing.  So off to the ER we went, gushing blood all along the way.  My mom was so pissed.  And of course I'm all sweet and batting my eyes as the doctor and telling him the story exactly how it happened and my mom is mortified.  I got all stitched up and shockingly DSS wasn't called.

So back to the gift.  Can you figure out what it is yet?

It's a girly beer bottle opener!!! Or as Steve says, "It's for girls who like beer!"  How frickin ADORBS is that???!!!  I love it.  I think I need to have a party to show it off!  Thank you Judy and Steve!!!  You are too sweet for getting me a gift for my possibly maybe not playing a role in your latest crime.  Always there for you.  Just don't get me arrested.  Unlike Lindsay, I don't look good in orange.  It's sooooo not my color.  Now handcuffs on the other hand........

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